The wind
by royai 74
Summary: The one who does not pursue his love will be left in a world of despair. ANBU life in a rebuilt Konoha. Will Sasuke and Sakura make it?
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Naruto.

I hope you can enjoy the story in spite of the mistakes since English isn't my first language. Have fun reading!

* * *

Naruto was staring at him intently, waiting for his next move. Perched up in on a tree branch, sharingan activated, the dark-haired shinobi was waiting too. He knew he was faster than the dobe and would most likely be able to avoid any direct attack coming from him. Yet, Naruto had a range of attacks and skills that even he had a hard time keeping track of. He wanted the idiot to come at him, charge him and show him his strategy. He had stopped underestimating his teammate a long time ago. Actually, he never really underestimated him, he was just too absorbed with himself and his demons. Always had been…

Naruto disappeared in a blur… or at least tried to. His sharingan did not miss a thing. _Behind him_. He spiraled around, lowered his upper half to avoid a well-placed kick and then jumped in mid-air to hit back… only to see Naruto poof and vanish. _A clone_. _One down at least_. Sasuke was getting frustrated. He wanted to deal with the real opponent instead of playing around with Naruto's mind game.

"Naruto!" _Just come out already!_

A chuckle was his only answer. Sasuke felt his anger bubble inside him, something he was used to but that had been less frequent since he had gradually settled back in Konoha years ago… only to have it come back more and more often in recent times. His friend felt his dark aura grow and came out of his hiding spot looking straight at him in hopes to catch his opponent's gaze.

A spinning sharingan was what he found.

"We need to talk," said Naruto in a neutral tone.

"We don't."

Sasuke jumped down and turned his back on his friend, not sparing him a second glance as he started to walk out of the training grounds. Naruto followed him, a few steps behind. They walked like this for a few minutes, Sasuke sulking in the front and Naruto watching his back, hoping for an opening to talk to him. They arrived at the red wooden bridge that linked the training grounds to the rest of the city. Sasuke stopped in front of it and stared at the river flowing down, still not acknowledging him.

"You need to talk to her."

Sasuke closed his eyes. _Sakura_. Of course, he should. He knew that he should. Only he did not know what to tell her or rather how to tell her. He was anxious just at the prospect of being near or with her. She was too much and he needed space. _A clear head_. That is what he needed. Sakura was… troubling everything.

"Hn."

"Sasuke…"

"Later."

Naruto sighed. Sasuke increased his pace to distance the dobe, hands in his pockets. He knew his teammate would leave the matter be… for now at the very least. Not knowing what to do and whom to vent his frustration on, he took the direction of his flat. He did not once turn around to see if the dobe was following him, but he figured Naruto was smart enough to read his moods and respect them. The blond idiot had become much more mature he had to admit. Even though his idiocy did not go away… that would have been too much to ask for. Yet it was better that way. It was the way they were, how their dynamic was supposed to be. It was who they were supposed to be. Five years after his return, at now twenty-two years old, he felt like he had found that dynamic again within his team, within his life. Well, most of that dynamic. One point remained a wild card in this. Sakura. Or rather him and Sakura.

When he first came back, she healed him and supported him just like the rest of his team did. They wanted him to feel loved, to feel welcomed. Even though her attitude was nothing like when they were younger, she was there, somehow, somewhere. She was colder and more distant, but he knew his return meant something to her too and even though he could feel the bubbling anger and sometimes fear that she emitted in spite of her best efforts to put on a poker face, he felt like things would settle back into place. Should settle back into place. Like it somehow did with Naruto and Kakashi. Only it didn't.

After a few months, once his probation and punishment were over, she grew even more distant. She stopped training with them on a regular basis. She stopped having ramen at Ichiraku with them. She just stopped being a part of his daily life. Sure, he knew she was one of the top medics at the Hospital, which took most of her time, but her absence still didn't settle well with him. A year after his return, he joined ANBU with Kakashi as a captain. It had felt nostalgic to work with the man again, and Sasuke had sometimes felt a sense of longing for what could have been had he not left. Kakashi, like Naruto gave him the impression he belonged somewhere, that he belonged with them. He had always had a profound sense of respect for the man, even though Kakashi had not been the teacher and father figure he knew he aimed at being for them.

His ANBU career had rocketed quite quickly thanks to Kakashi's leading and appraisal. One year after joining ANBU under the supervision of his old Genin teacher, he himself became a Captain. Naruto had briefly joined the elite squad at that point, only to leave a few months later due to the Hokage requesting he should slowly start to take things over. ANBU gave him his own territory, gave him the challenge and prestige he knew he had always craved and still craved. It gave him a purpose.

The street lights suddenly lit up. He turned left, engaged in a small back street and climbed up the stairs. When taking out his key to open his door, he noticed his ANBU partner leaning against the balcony wall, a smirk playing on her lips.

"Uchiha."

"Hanare."

He unlocked the door and stepped in, hearing her following his trail and locking the door behind him. He put the keys on the kitchen table, took off his shoes and went to his room, not sparing her a glance. They both knew what she was doing here. He was taking off his sweaty shirt when he heard light footsteps echoing on the carpet. She sighed, came closer and pulled her arms around his waist, pressing her armored front against his bare back. He could feel the tension rising up, her warm breath tickling his spine. She squeezed him a little tighter and he could not help a chuckle from coming out.

"I need you," was all she said.

He turned around and put his hands on her shoulders, pushing her slightly away from him, all the time gazing in her brown orbs that looked full of lust. She bit her lower lip and smiled at him.

* * *

She was walking home, pacing down the bright-lit streets of Konoha. Heading west of the village, she marched through the Fall Festival with its colored lanterns and dancing crowds. The music beat in a steady rhythm accompanying her tired steps. She had just come back from a diplomatic mission to Suna with Shikamaru and Ino. The unending meetings had been tiring and useless for the most parts since internal clan battles had hindered any decision-making process at the village-level. Despite all his good intentions, Gaara had yet to rule his petulant lords in a firmer way. Much like Naruto will have to do in the years to come, for if left to themselves, clans were bound to let conflicts rise again one way or another.

The scent of street vendors assaulted her nostrils, but she felt too exhausted to queue and pick something up. She just hoped she had something left in her fridge, otherwise… Otherwise she could still wait until tomorrow. One skipped-meal wasn't going to kill her. She turned right at the end of the large avenue and headed down the gradually emptying alley. Drunk people swung dangerously around her, some singing, some dancing ungracefully, some kissing, most laughing. A small smile made its way to her lips at their antics, even though a weight appeared on her chest at the sight of the couples holding hands and kissing. That was always a painful sight. One she couldn't help but feel bitter about.

A few minutes later, her steps led her to the dusty road along the canal and she welcomed the sudden quietness and the freshness of the night breeze. The sound of the slow current of the water washed over her nerves like a soothing mantra, and she felt some of the tension leave her body. Looking ahead, she saw a dark figure walking toward her, heading for the other end of the path. As they drew closer, she could make out the messy and all-too-easily-recognizable hairstyle of its holder, the well-balanced steps that carried it, and the air of dangerousness that oozed from it. _Sasuke._

He had taken notice of her too, she noticed.

"Sakura."

His voice always did something to her. Her body didn't always react to it in the same way. But it always reacted to it. Always.

"Hi." She hoped her tone sounded even and uninterested for she felt no inclination to carry a conversation with the user of that velvet voice. She saw dark eyes trying to get a hold of her own, but she kept hers moving, toward the canal, down his feet, up the sky, along his torso… Taking a slow measured breath, she took a step forward, hoping her intent was clear and he would let her be. He didn't.

"It's been a while."

"Has it?"

Since when did he pay attention to her absence in his life, to the time they didn't see each other. That's all they ever did. Not seeing each other. It was hardly worth mentioning anymore. Of course he didn't pick up on her jab. Instead he settled for a one word question.

"Mission?"

"Hai."

He probably expected her to ask about him. But the dirtied ANBU uniform, the traces of blood on his upper arms and the stench of sweat, death and fear were enough indications about his latest activities. So she took another step.

"Where to?"

"Classified."

She heard his snort. Distinctly. Throwing him a sharp look, brows furrowed and venom ready to lash out, she held his gaze daring him to go ahead and dig his own grave. He didn't budge and let his dark irises calmly rest on her viridian ones.

"You know there is no classified between us, Sakura. Naruto tells me everything."

Of course their stupid blond teammate would tell him everything. It was a good thing Sasuke was a naturally quiet person, otherwise the spies of other villages would be able to throw a coup against Konoha in no time. Shaking her head to disrupt the disturbing scenario, she broke their eye contact and took another step, this time letting her sandal hit the ground with an extra impulse, hoping he would get the hint. He didn't talk this time. He followed her.

"You live the other way," she threw at him, her voice not as angry as she had hoped.

"Ah."

" _So_ … go the other way."

"I'm walking you home."

"Hmpf," she scoffed. She almost wanted to laugh. Almost.

"Since when do you walk me home?!" There. Now the anger was there.

He didn't grace her with an answer. But the sound of his almost inaudible footsteps was still here, as well as his masculine aura _fucking_ with her senses. Unsure of how to handle him, she just quickened her pace and made sure the angry beating of her heels against the floor would unsettle him. But who was she kidding… this was Sasuke. Her erratic heart and exhausted body made for a bad combination, and soon she felt her head go dizzy. They were getting closer to her apartment block, and as she got sight of her building, she allowed herself a minute of rest. Holding her hand against a wall, she let herself lean against the hard material and rested her heated cheek against the cold surface. The footsteps behind her stopped, but he was too close, way too close. So close that she could feel the heat radiating off his frame, their bodies almost touching. Standing behind her back, she heard his slow steady breathing, a sharp contrast to her own.

"Sakura." Velvet voice. "We need to talk."

"No. We don't," she sighed, closing her eyes, trying to mentally draw more of that refreshing cold sensation from the wall under her skin.

"You can't keep running away you know."

"I'm _not_ running away."

"You are."


	2. Chapter 2

His key made a sharp sound as it connected with the lock and the door winced under his forceful push to open it. A dark empty room welcomed him, a small breeze spiraling around his place since he had left the windows open. He kicked the door shut and headed to his room, starting to methodically remove his dirtied ANBU uniform which clung to his body like a heavy second skin. The night was still relatively young he noticed, his alarm clock indicating a bright 10.30pm. He had left Sakura in the street about an hour ago. Even knowing she was only a few steps from her apartment, he had walked around a few blocks before coming by to check the place he had left her a few minutes prior, only to find it empty. _At least she went home_ , he supposed.

The hot spray of the shower soothed his tired muscles and he just stood there, unmoving, letting the water cascade down his body, cleaning dirt, blood and weariness in its path. He didn't know how long he stayed that way, only that for all the well-being it brought, water failed to relieve him of his racing thoughts. _Where the fuck was she expecting this to go?_

He sighed angrily, wearily, and stepped out of the glass doors of his shower. Turning his back to the mirror covered in steam at the center of the small room, he grabbed a large towel, one with traces of blood that never left no matter how many times he washed it and began to rub it in quick motions against his damp skin. Maybe he shouldn't have picked up a creamy beige for towels. _Oh well_.

With the towel still resting on his shoulders, he left the small cubicle he had for a bathroom and walked in his adjacent bedroom, the soft carpet becoming a darker shade under his wet steps.

 _Sakura. Sakura. Sakura._

She too was an ANBU, although she had just joined a few months ago on Tsunade's request. Medical nins were always a strong asset on the field, especially in the bloody business that ANBU was, and there was always a shortage of competent medics available. Having trained under the Hokage and being one of the top medic-nin the village had to offer, it was no surprise she had been scouted for ANBU. His old teammate hadn't wanted to join the elite squad at first, saying she fitted better in a hospital environment and preferred to take up regular jounin assignments.

The problem was that, back then, she barely took up any assignment and was more often than not locking herself up in her ivory tower known as the Hospital. Naruto, Ino, Kakashi, Tenten, Kiba… they had all noticed her turning down mission after mission under the pretense of groundbreaking research, lack of staff, training responsibilities… Thinking it had to be just a phase, they let her be, let her wrap herself in a cloak of antiseptic, feigned to ignore the way her eyes failed to shine. He too had played that game, a game of pretense that was supposed to suit everybody. During that time, he barely saw her at all. The rare times he did see her was when he was lying on a hospital bed, blood pouring out of severe wounds that she patched up without a word, lightless green eyes focused on the source of his physical agony. A diagnostic was all he ever got from her. She did not have anything to say to him.

 _What could I tell her?_ This question haunted his mind every time he encountered her, saw her from afar, heard her voice in the crowd. He just didn't know.

This situation went on for over a year, after which Tsunade decided she could no longer let her shy away from active duty and let her fighting skills go rusty. Not sure how to best handle her apprentice to make sure she thrived again on the field, she decided to assign her to ANBU training, the same path he had taken years ago. She had been an ANBU rookie for a little over five months now and although she had surprised everyone, himself included, with her impressive record track of successful missions after being off the field for so long, light had yet to return to those dull jade irises.

Clothed in only a loose short he climbed into bed and laid down on the dark blue sheets, his mind still running after the reasons of her fading away.

* * *

Naruto was scribbling anxiously on one of the many scrolls piled up in front of him. Reading through the barely readable notes of hurried team leaders, pompous diplomatic envoys' letters, boring administrative requests, he felt his mind go blank on several occasions and had to put all his willpower into actually understanding and analyzing what he was reading.

"Kami! Why did I ever want to become Hokage in the first place?!"

A snort came from the other side of the room. He glared at the disturbance, finding light hazel eyes laughing at him.

"Oh, give it a rest!" he exclaimed at the Hokage sitting behind her impossibly large wooden desk.

"You're the one who's aiming at becoming at Hokage," teased the older woman, thoroughly enjoying torturing her trainee with extra work.

"Yes! Well… that's not exactly what I had in mind!"

"Poor you!"

He could hear the humor in her voice.

"Like you're not enjoying putting me through this, ba-chan," he said pointing an accusing finger at the blonde woman. "Admit it," he barked, the latest information he had tried to memorize and put together all but forgotten.

"I'm sorry," said Tsunade, her beautiful face trying to convey the feeling she had just expressed.

"You don't sound very sorry to me!"

She laughed at his reply, amused by his impulsiveness that no amount of paperwork seemed to be able to tame. Naruto was a breath of fresh air in her exhausting days at the head of the village and part of her couldn't wait for him to be finally able to take over as Hokage. He would no doubt make a great leader. He had charisma, the mental strength to pull through, and support from the people and the ninjas. However he still lacked in experience to deal with the mine-field that were diplomatic relations and clans' management, which is why she had gradually taken him under her wing as years passed with the hope to make him the Hokage everyone awaited him to be.

A soft knock interrupted her musings and she yelled a brief "Enter!"

Five ANBUS stepped in, white masks with painted red symbols hooked on their shoulders, faces uncovered. The tall silver-haired captain marched nonchalantly to her desk and deposited a scarlet scroll in her awaiting hand.

"Thanks," she muttered.

Kakashi bowed his head slightly and took a step back, standing next to his ANBU comrades. Alongside him, she had also summoned Raido and his right-hand man, an ANBU lieutenant with dark long hair tied up in a ponytail and cerulean eyes, and Sasuke and his subordinate, Hanare, a kunoichi in her mid-twenties that used to be assigned as her bodyguard.

Naruto stood up and left his desk to stand next to her, one arm resting on the back of her chair, his face wearing a serious expression that had been nowhere to see only minutes ago.

"How has the situation evolved?" he asked, tone free of intonations that might have betrayed his thoughts. _He's learning_ , she thought.

"It seems that the organized syndicate implanted in Earth has indeed started to raid across the border, targeting the smaller villages north of the Fire country," explained Kakashi.

"What are the facts?" asked Tsunade.

"Burglary, burnt houses, village officials tortured so that thiefs can get access to monetary funds and hidden weapons. The routes on the north eastern part of the country are definitely unsafe for merchants and travelers-"

"Most of them are never to be seen again," supplied Hanare, interrupting Raidou.

"I see," said Tsunade before sighing heavily. Her eyes rested on the Uchiha, a raised brow asking for his participation in the subject.

"Our team hunted down several members, but killing them does not seem to stop the raiding. It just seems that they have an unlimited supply of rogues to send over the border," said the dark-haired Captain.

"How many assassinations so far?" asked Naruto.

"About twelve," supplied Hanare, her left hand lightly brushing Sasuke's upper arm where a clear, angry red cut was to be seen.

Naruto's eyes narrowed visibly Kakashi noticed, although he couldn't tell if this was due to the disturbing news of the ineffectiveness of the actions ANBU had carried out up until now or due to the brief touching between the elegant brown-haired kunoichi and the Uchiha.

"What do you suggest now?" asked their hazel-eyed leader.

"Assassinations won't bring us anywhere at this rate if we do not know how they operate and how to dismantle their organization. We should opt for an infiltration mission," said Kakashi concisely.

"Hm," nodded Naruto, eyes still glaring at the Uchiha and his subordinate.

"It could work," said Tsunade thoughtfully, "but the Council won't allow it. They have been waiting for years for an excuse to declare war on Earth and also Rain… They will block any attempt at resolving the situation through the old discreet methods."

"Come on," burst out Naruto looking his female mentor straight in the eyes, "it's not like ANBUs have to answer for anything in front of the Council. They are under _your_ direct orders!"

"It's not that simple, Naruto," intervened his old Genin teacher.

"Aa," sighed Tsunade. The puzzled expression on her apprentice's whiskered face told her that she still had her place as Hokage for a reason. Turning away from him to stare at the five standing ANBUs, she rested her chin on her crossed manicured hands, elbows firmly anchored on her desk.

"Most of the powerful clans within Konoha have suffered some losses over the recent years due to the political instability in the North, be it from the syndicate or other foes. Also, the lack of cooperation of Earth's authorities when it comes to securing the border and trade routes have taken its toll on most Council members' patience. They want an all-out action to realign Earth with Konoha's demands in the region. They will refuse to see the syndicate as a separate threat and will do everything to manipulate the current situation to their advantage, so that they can justify an open conflict," explained Tsunade. "An operation of this scale, even led by ANBUs, will not go unnoticed by the Council and they will want to have their say in it."

"Why in hell would they want an open conflict?" yelled Naruto, all countenance forgotten. "A war would lead us nowhere!"

"An actual war against Earth isn't the biggest threat looming over our heads," supplied Tsunade patiently, voice measured and even. "Konoha is able to take down Earth. Sure, we would suffer some losses, but as things stand now, the outcome of the conflict does not raise a doubt." She paused, eyes closing wearily. "The _real_ issue is how over nations will react to Konoha invading another country."

"What do you mean?" asked Naruto although some understanding started to dawn on his face.

"The post-war status-quo is over," said Kakashi all nonchalance gone from his attitude, "and should Konoha create an open conflict to ensure its safety and interests, other neighboring nations might see it as an attempt to gain even more leadership in the region, thus threatening smaller countries' interests."

"But that's nonsense," yelped Naruto.

"It's not," said the Copy-nin. "Konoha is already the leading power in the region. As such, any openly aggressive action on our part will be interpreted as a take-over. Smaller powers will either support Konoha in its wake or go to other leading powers such as the Land of Lightning. No matter how they choose to act, the whole thing will break the existing balance between the leading powers, and since it is almost certain that Sand will support Konoha, it is more likely than not that other powers will organize themselves accordingly to stop the rise of Konoha and create a counterbalance of their own."

"Shit," cursed the future Hokage. "You're just saying, that should the open conflict happen, there is no other way but to see it grow into an uncontrollable monster all over again that no one can control."

"Aa," agreed Kakashi.

"I need sake," sighed Tsunade. "Now!"

But no one smirked at her antics. Being an alcoholic leader seemed justified in a situation like this mused Naruto.

* * *

Later that night, Naruto was walking to Ichiraku where he and Sasuke had agreed to meet for dinner. He hadn't been able to get rid of the anxiousness that this morning's conversation in the Hokage's office had plagued him with. His dark-haired teammate, dressed in his regular training attire, was already seated on one of the high chairs, a fuming bowl of noodles soup in front of him.

Naruto greeted the cook with a boisterous "Hello" that seemed fake to his own ears, given his current racing worries. He took a seat next to the silent Uchiha and welcomed the bowl that was placed in front of him with a small nod. The cook raised his eyebrows at the odd behavior of his most loyal customer, but decided to ignore it for now, having other customers to attend to.

"Did you train with Kakashi?" he asked his sulking comrade.

"Aa."

"Who won?"

"Tch. Baka," groaned Sasuke.

Naruto smirked. Sasuke's pride would never allow him to admit that he and Kakashi were some of the few ninjas that could still catch him off guard.

"Sasuke?"

"Hm."

"I have to ask you something," started Naruto uneasily, letting his chopsticks rest on the table beside his half empty bowl. "What is it with you… and your ANBU partner?"

Dark orbs stared into blue ones, not betraying the thoughts of their owner.

"Why do you want to know?"

"Are you with her?" pressed the blond.

"Why are you asking?" countered the Uchiha.

* * *

It was past midnight and Sakura had not had dinner yet. But then again, she rarely did. She often came back too exhausted from the hospital or her missions. Her ANBU Captain was a tyrant, working herself to the bone and sending her on the front lines during fights while, as a medic, she should essentially act as a backup. But she refused to let this get to her, just like she refused to go to her old Genin leader who was one of the top commander in ANBU to let him now about how her Captain… _never mind_. She could deal with this on her own.

Not bothering to shower, she just freed herself of her sticky clothes, undid the bandage covering the infected cut on her thigh, too tired and chakra-depleted to properly heal it. Naked, she walked to her messy bed and lied under the thick purple cover, the soft material comforting against her beaten skin. Eyes closed, she willed herself to sleep, only to find her thoughts wandering back to the night she had spent with him, remembering acutely the feel of his body pressed against hers, the hunger in his red spinning orbs and her own hunger for more, _more_ , _more_ …

 _My silence is screaming at you_

 _But you hear nothing of my agony_

 _And I just stand there_

 _A puppet in a world of assassins_

 _A knife in my hand_

 _Ready to relieve others of the burden of this life_

 _A bloodthirsty wolf among the pack_


	3. Chapter 3

**NOTES:**

Hi everyone,

First of all, thanks to all those who have taken the time to read my story and MANY thanks for the reviews. Your support really cheers me up and makes me want to go on with this story, and your insight is really helpful.

I also want to clarify that this story will be focusing on the confusing emotions and misunderstandings that stand between Sasuke and Sakura. Much like in real life, things will not just magically fall into place. I will try to set this story in a bigger plot with a meaningful background, but I have to admit I'm still a beginner at this, so I'm not sure how it will turn out.

Morever, I want to emphasize how being in ANBU affects the characters' lives, emotions and development.

In this chapter, I will go more into depth into Sakura's and Sasuke's thinking, yet, be aware that not all is revealed yet. There are other issues that make them who they are today, and why they can't just come together that will be revealed... later on.

Enjoy!

* * *

Sasuke had left the Ichiraku right after having finished his bowl of ramen, annoyed with the blond's prying in his private affairs. Hanare was his business, one he felt no inclination in sharing. It's not like his stupid friend would understand anyway. Yes, they were lovers. Or maybe fuck buddies was a more accurate description. She didn't want more from him and neither did he from her. And that had been fine by him… up until a month ago. After _that_ night, everything had changed. And yet, nothing had changed. He had hoped they had finally broken the ice barrier standing between them, thought they had at last overcome their own shortcomings and doubts. It had all felt so obvious. It was obvious…. they could only belong to each other. And yet, she was still running away. That night had been the only thing she had given him of herself.

A slouched figure topped with messy silver hair marched out of a bar standing along the street he was walking on. With a small nod, Kakashi fell in step with his old student, both walking silently in the same direction. After a while, the silver-haired man broke the silence accompanying their steps:

"Sasuke?"

"Hm," acknowledged the dark-haired man, hands in his pockets.

"What the heck is going on?" asked Kakashi, voice laced with seriousness.

The younger man slowed down and turned his face to look at him, one eyebrow raised in a silent question.

"First Sakura and then Hanare. Or maybe not in that order. What are you playing at?"

"I'm not playing."

"No? That's certainly not what it looks like. Naruto's angry you know."

"Let him be."

"So you don't care? This whole mess means nothing to you, nor the consequences it has on our team."

"There is no Team 7 anymore. You all should stop pretending like there is one. We haven't worked all together in years. We all know why."

"And why is that?"

"Her. She left. She left us." He paused, eyes turning south, gazing without seeing at the floor beneath his feet. "She left me."

"She never left, Sasuke."

"She did. You and Naruto are just too hooked on the past to allow your small bubble to explode and actually confront reality. It's finished. Team 7 is finished."

"If that's how you see it…"

"It is. And so does she."

"You don't know that."

"Stop being stupid, Kakas-"

"You don't! You don't _understand_ her. You never have."

"Oh? And I suppose you do then?" asked the Uchiha angrily.

"I do," answered Kakashi.

"So I am the fool then?"

"Possibly." The older man paused for a moment. "Or maybe you're just not able to see what's right under your nose. You want her so much, you can't even properly look at her."

"That's your assumption."

"It's not an assumption. You know I'm smarter than that. Especially when it comes to you three knock heads. I also know you're not telling everything."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You slept with her, didn't you?" asked Kakashi,

"What?"

"Sakura. You slept with her."

"How did you come up to that conclusion?"

* * *

That was all they could think about...

She remembered…

He remembered…

That one night…

That one and only night…

…

 _Their teeth clashed first, both too much in a hurry to taste each other to angle for a proper kiss. It didn't matter. Nothing about them had to be proper. It all came down to feeling each other, touching each other._

 _Then, lips started their dance, awkward and aggressive. They caressed each other with a hunger close to starvation. Sakura didn't know what she was doing, how she was supposed to do it, but she was determined to take as much of him as she could before retreating to the painful dull of reality and his all-consuming absence. She would satisfy her hunger tonight. She had to._

 _She whimpered as she felt his hands grabbed her sides, one thumb pressing against the underside of her breast as he roughly pushed her against the wall, their lips still feasting of each other. She felt a fleeting heat tease her belly, one she had felt occasionally without ever being able to turn it into something more._

 _Sasuke didn't trust himself to stop. He knew he wouldn't. Couldn't. There, was the girl who made his blood boil in a frantic manner every time she spoke, be it from anger, annoyance, desire, longing, despair. And she was biting his lips, gluing her face to his with an intensity he had never encountered before and he wanted more of it, more of her, more of everything. And he would have it._

* * *

 _September 4th_

The dawn was just settling in and a rare bird was to be heard here and there, calling out the others in anguish. Or what she supposed to be anguish. _Whatever_. Sakura was standing on the red wooden bridge that linked her old Team 7 training grounds with the busier parts of the village. Leaning on the barricade she gazed past the line of trees, further and further... where it all began. She didn't know why exactly she had come here. When waking up this morning, she had felt a wave of nostalgia wash over her with such a frightening intensity that she had no choice but to do something about it. So had she come here. She had walked up the small canal like she used to when she was younger, taken the same turns she had taken all those years ago. But this time her pace had been unhurried, not like when she was younger. Back in her early genin days, she used to run there, eager and excited and frightened… a delicious mix of sensations that no longer coursed through her veins.

The stillness around her was addicting and she wondered for a second if she shouldn't make this bridge her own refuge. Kakashi had his monument for the dead, Ino had her flower shop, she could pick up a bridge, right? _Right_.

"You're mine," she muttered at the red wood under her palms, a firm grasp on the barrier she was leaning on.

But all too soon, her internal clock for punctuality rang alarm bells in her head, and she freed the dead wood of her strong grip. After having walked further up the canal for another ten minutes she took a turn left to walk to her recently assigned training grounds. Those weren't like the bright green forest of her teenage years but an underground facility. The entrance was a sad grey metallic door with two masked guards posted on each side. She knew one of them was a sensory type, able to identify each and every ANBU's chakra, so as not to let anyone suspicious within the underground compound. She waited for the small nod from one of the guards that allowed her to walk up to the door, which opened itself at her approach.

Getting used to the dark underground alleys had taken some time, but she could find her way in this maze with closed eyes now. Masked and unmasked shinobis passed her by, each going on about their business, few sparing her a glance or acknowledging her presence with a polite nod. This place reeked of order and discipline and small chit-chat in the corridors was a rare occurrence. Here more than anywhere else, people stayed within their team, hidden in the shadow of a renowned Captain and went on with their bloody duties. She was no different.

Coming out one of the main artery of the underground compound, she found herself in a big oval room with different desks, crowded with waiting fighters coming in or going out, some in shiny ANBU uniforms some half-covered in blood. Among those, she saw a tall dark-haired shinobi, and even though she could only see his back, she knew who it was right away. She could have recognized that body anywhere. Sasuke. From afar, he seemed to be listening intently to what another ANBU was saying, nodding his head from time to time with arms that seemed to be crossed. She imagined the way his brows were probably furrowed in concentration or in annoyance... probably both... imagined the way his dark eyes fixed the talking figure in front of him, unwavering and intense.

If she where to disappear tomorrow, die forgotten in an empty field, she knew she would think about his eyes before drifting away, if her dying consciousness allowed her. This was the part of him she loved most. His mouth was harsh and inflexible, his hands carried too much danger to convey a sense of safeness, his body was too sinfully attractive for her to handle, his heart had been torn to pieces for too long to be ever properly healed. So, she would only take his eyes in her memory should fate claim her. Not that they were hers to take, but she was selfish, and it's not like he would ever know what her mind claimed for itself.

When he had first come back, she had thought that maybe they could move forward, that they could fit back as a team. She had been young and naïve, hooked on a crush that had gone on for too long, obsessed by an absence that had determined their choices for so long. And then suddenly, that goal had been reached, all their hopes and failures and doubts had no reason to be. He was there. He was alive. He was with them. She had been scared of him of course, remembering all too clearly the sound of his angry chidori, the blood thirst in his eyes, the smile on his lips as he had envisioned killing her.

She had told herself that she could forgive, could see past the mistakes and betrayal. She had convinced herself it all belonged to the past. But every time she had been in his presence, her heart had beaten frantically, not from silly excitement like when she had been younger, but from sheer fear, uncontrollable anger, a desire to hurt and flee all at the same time. The confusing emotions had been driving her mad, bringing her to the point of exhaustion. She would cry herself to sleep, night after night, wishing for the madness to finally stop, willing her mind to command her emotions. But it didn't work. It could never have worked. She knew that now.

Looking at him now, standing with the powerful aura of a renowned ANBU Captain, she couldn't help but remember this one day, this one day that had changed everything, changed her by finally making her accept it could never be…

… _A year after his return_ , when he had just joined the ANBU squad, she had been alone with him, healing a messy wound on his abdomen, the type of wound people didn't expect to find on a ninja of Sasuke's caliber. But for all his strength, he too was bound to fail sometimes. And in those cases, she was here to heal him. They had been alone in the small room made of white walls, her glowing hands on his freshly closed wound. She remembered how her throat had been tight from anxiousness, how her palms sweated under the stress. That day, in that hospital room, she had decided that she would talk to him. That she would tell him she wished for the awkwardness between them to stop, that she was exhausted… that she wasn't asking anything from him but she wanted to be there for him somehow, sometimes… that for the well-being of Team 7 and her own fragile mental sanity, they had to talk… just that.

Her glowing hands having finished their work, he had stood up and put his torn shirt back on.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Silent steps headed for the door.

"Sasuke?"

He stopped but didn't turn around to face her.

"Um… I was thinking maybe… Do you think that we could…" she stuttered, mumbled words and racing thoughts hindering her ability to express herself properly.

His tired body turned around and cold unreadable eyes fixed her.

"What do you have to say, Sakura?"

"… I just wish that we could … somehow … mend things…"

"What things?"

"Us," she breathed, brave green eyes holding his frozen gaze.

"Is there an 'us'?" he asked.

"… I don't know… well there's the team but…"

He sighed, and she thought she caught a glimpse of anger shine in his onyx orbs. His upper body turned around to face the door again, his feet already moving with a set purpose.

"You don't want to?" she asked, her voice sounding broken to her own ears.

"Let me be," he said, one hand slowly resting on the wounded area on his belly, the other hand clenched at the pain that still coursed through his body. "I don't need you."

 _I don't need you_

 _I don't need you_

 _I don't need you…_

.. And so she had been fixed. He didn't need her, didn't want her. He had said so himself. Then and there, in that room, he had thrown her out of his life. Not that she had ever been a part of it. It was over, just like that… four words sealed her fate, breaking her heart one last time, relieving her mind of the anguish of hopeless hope, freeing uncontrollable anger and bitterness, letting sorrow and silent fury overcome her being.

* * *

 _September 6th_

That night, walking back home after a mission that went more smoothly than expected, Sakura was letting her gaze wander across the small houses bordering the path she was walking on in an attempt to distract herself from the dark presence behind her. Almost inaudible footsteps were following her… had been following her since she had stepped out of the ANBU compound. Her tired body was tensing up with rising anger, her skin tickling with the feel of his eyes roaming over her back. Her anxiety rose with each stride she took, each one a futile attempt at escaping this reality.

And then she stopped, hearing the footsteps behind her do the same. _Where is this going?_ she thought. Standing in the middle of the dusty road, she slowly turned to face him, letting cold green eyes stare at him.

"Why?" asked the pinkette.

A simple question, one that raised so many more. He wished he knew why. He wished she did too.

 _But they were lost fools_

 _Assassins tortured by the sound of dying screams_

 _Hands itching at night for all the sorrow they plagued this world with_

 _Throats aching with an unquenched thirst for love_

 _Hearts beating at the sounds of flying weapons_

 _Minds torn apart at the thought of what could have been_

 _Bodies awaiting their fatal hour_

He remained silent, standing still, eyes locked on hers, void of answers. The chilly wind made her pink locks dance around her face, partly hiding her from his gaze.

"Why?" she repeated. "Why are you here again? Following me when we both know this doesn't mean anything. Pretending for a moment… only to ignore better the day after. Why?"

"So it's just _anything_ to you?"

"It was never meant to be _something_. Not with you. Not with me. Not for us."

"And who decided that?" he asked, tone accusing, dark eyes not leaving her.

"I didn't," she breathed.

"No? Then who? Because I didn't either."

His answer was met with a face that had turned into stone, pale and sharp, one he couldn't read no matter how much he tried to break through the mask she had just given life too.

"I see," was all she said, eyes suddenly appearing moist in the fading light. "Go home, Sasuke." She slowly turned on her heels and started to walk away, small steps carrying the source of his pain away. His gaze followed her until she disappeared from his sight, his tortured mind finally admitting to what he had always known deep down...

 _I will take everything from you_

 _Regardless of your wishes_

 _Regardless of your tears_

 _Because you're mine_

 _Always have been_

 _Always will be_

"It's just you and me in this world, Sakura," he murmured at the silently growing shadows.


	4. Chapter 4

**NOTES:**

Hi everyone,

Sorry for the late update. It occured to me that the chronogy of my story might be hard to follow. So as a little help: the first, second and third chapter take place beginning of September in my story. The night that Sasuke and Sakura spent together took place beginning of August, one month prior, as mentionned in this chapter. Otherwise flashbacks are... well flashbacks.

I hope you will enjoy this chapter, and feedback is most welcome, as always :-)

* * *

Troubled by her encounter with Sasuke on her way home, Sakura couldn't help but let her thoughts wander once more to that night, to the night that had altered the relations between the two of them so drastically...

...

 _2_ _nd_ _of August_

The rain was beating the buildings made of stone, letting tears of water run down their weary facades. The night had just fallen, and the streets were empty, ninjas and civilians alike avoiding the dreadful weather that had no place in Konoha's usually beautiful summer. But this year had been different. The heavens felt like crying too, it seemed. At least someone, or rather something, felt like she did. Like crying.

 _I have been through worse_ , she kept repeating herself. _Right? Well maybe not, on second thought. Not that it matters. It's the way things are. What's the point of fighting them? So what if ANBU drains the life out of me? So what if my Captain abuses me? So what if I'm not cut out for the elite squad? So what if I'm a healer turned into a ruthless killer? I let it happen… I let it all happen. This is all my fault. I made myself like this…_

She hugged herself, boots splashing noisily on the little pounds forming on her path under the heavy rain.

With teary eyes hidden by the rain drops running down her cheeks, she remembered vividly the eyes of the four year old boy who had found the corpse of his mother lying in front of the front door of their house. ' _Courtesy of Konoha's ANBU',_ said the blood marring the ground under the lifeless frame. _Courtesy of Haruno Sakura_ … She remembered the young woman, probably a year or two younger than her, that she had killed just three days ago in Rain. A kunoichi like her, who was probably revered by her comrades back in her village, who probably had a lover or maybe two, and whose hopes and fears were now dead to this world. Gruesome killing after gruesome killing flashed through her mind, the faces of her victims dancing their macabre _'thank you'_ to her.

Her feet led her to a place she a place she had never been to, to a place that in this lonely night, she couldn't help from being drawn to. Often, more often than she would be willing to admit, she had stood in front of that building, paced along the sidewalk bordering it with a racing heart and sweaty palms. But up until that day, she had never worked up the courage to climb up the stairs that led to the second floor and knock on the fourth door on the left.

But today she would.

… The door opened and there he stood. Sasuke Uchiha. His hair looked a bit messier as usual, she thought. He must have been sleeping, it was already late after all. He was wearing his usual black shirt and black shorts, and she knew, without being able to see it, that his shirt wore the symbol of his clan on the back.

His eyes took in her soaked and trembling form. She was hugging herself, which made her look so fragile, something he no longer see her as. Her eyes barely met his own and he had to stare at her for almost a minute before she mustered the courage to meet his gaze.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

Interrogative eyes assessed her, looking for an answer to the question he didn't dare asking: _Why are you coming to me? After all this time…_

"You can," he replied coldly. His voice sounded sharp to his own ears, but he didn't care how it came across. His emotions were running wild and he was having a hard time at keeping himself cool and collected in front of her.

With frail arms still wrapped around her torso, she stepped in his foreign apartment, into his universe. His faint smell floating in the air surprised her as she hadn't anticipated it. The main room she had walked in was dark, save for a faint light coming from an ajar door which probably led to his bedroom. She heard him switch a button behind her, and the ceiling lamps burst to life, aggressing her damp tired eyes which had adjusted to the darkness that up until now had surrounded her. She felt rather than saw him walk past her and into his chamber. He came back seconds later with a creamy towel in his hand.

"Thanks," she said as he handed it to her.

With deliberately slow motions, she rubbed the material against her soaked hair, her eyes cast down to the floor she had just wet. He was standing next to her, she knew, probably looking at her… or maybe not. She seemed to never be sure when it came to him. The minutes went by, filled by a loud silence that gradually oppressed her. Understanding he wouldn't make the first move, she slowly turned on her heels to face him and searched his eyes. He had been looking at her, she noticed as his eyebrows raised elegantly when her green orbs met his onyx ones just before he schooled his features to his usual mask that blocked her out, preventing her from reaching the one soul she most wanted to reach.

 _Would I ever?_

"Am I bothering you?" she asked, forcing herself to hold his gaze that always made nervous, no matter how hard she tried to fight the feeling.

 _Stupid question_ , he thought. "I let you in," he drawled.

Knowing he wouldn't elaborate, she took a long breath, bracing herself for what was to come, for the act she was about to do. She had promised herself that this time she wouldn't back down, that she would see this through, whether he accepted her or rejected her. What if he accepted her? Rejection she could handle. She was used to it. She had been hardened to the bitterness and despair that it brought. But what if he didn't reject her? What then? Would she have the guts to stay and not run away?

"Sasuke."

The way she whispered his name, the way her green eyes shone strangely made a shiver run through his tense body, much like the ones he experienced on the battlefield when kunais were flying at him. And he knew, he didn't know how he knew, how he was suddenly able to read her when he never could, how he could anticipate what she was about to say next, but he knew… he knew what she was about to ask.

"Touch me."

There, she had said it. She had said the words that would forever shift the fragile balance between them. And there he was, meant to be the one that would either destroy them and condemn them to a life of loneliness in a crowded world, or who would relieve them temporarily of their sorrows… only to dive back later in a state of anguish as they were, he knew, both too scared and damaged to know how to be happy. But he didn't care. He wanted her. He always had, somehow. And he was selfish. In a twisted way, his mind felt entitled to have everything of her: her dreams, her fears, her tears and laughs, her moans and sighs. She was his to taste, his to possess. She had robbed herself of him for too long now. And yet, part of him was nervous, worried of scaring her away for good, scared of being even more addicted to her than he already was, scared of losing himself for good if he let the tight grip he had on his emotions loose.

"How do you want me to touch you?"

He saw the way her right hand, still clutching the damp towel that now rested on her shoulders, shook slightly at his words, and he felt his own hand tighten into a fist in response. Sakura found herself unable to voice a word, strangled by the heavy lump that had settled in her throat.

The dark-haired Captain made a step in her direction and, seeing her staying still, made another one until their bodies were only a few inches apart.

"How do you want me to touch you, Sakura?" he repeated, his voice so low that she felt all of a sudden overwhelmed with the sense of intimacy that it carried. More than his words, it was the way he had said them, bringing them both into a whole new world, a bubble where they could finally… even if for just a short while… maybe… drop their guards, and:

 _Take… Take… Take…_

 _What their insane minds dictated them to take…_

 _A piece of each other…_

 _So that they would never be whole again…_

 _Not without one another._

Soft looking, plump rosy lips parted and let a shaky breath be taken in, before they let out:

"As if you mean it." She paused, took another deep intake of air and added: "Anyway you want."

A sinister, all too breathtaking smirk twisted the corners of his mouth, and she found herself wanting to bite those lips. Not kiss them, as kissing would be too soft, too superficial, only allowing her to graze the surface of him. No, she needed to bite them, to sink her teeth deeply to make sure the flesh and blood of her living torment was here, was hers, even if just for an instant.

"What if I want everything?" he asked, voice carrying a deeper note that frightened her.

"What is everything?" she asked back, voice wavering slightly.

"You."

She didn't want to ask what he meant by that, as she was sure she wouldn't like the answer, if he would even bother to answer. She didn't want to envision the thought that maybe, just maybe, things had changed and that he might want her back, not just physically desire her. _Could it be? Could those long stares and heavy silences mean anything other than hate, distrust and disinterest? … Of course not!_ Her inner-self snapped back, a frightened girl sitting in the darkness. Hope hurt too much to be pursued and she hated him for confusing her so. Why did she feel like he was trying to pull her in, to pull her toward him? It didn't make sense. None of this all made sense, not after the history they shared. She wanted to be sure, to get past the strange words and confusing body language. She needed to know, to test him, to see if he really meant what this _"You"_ could possibly mean…

"You don't want me, Sasuke." She saw the way confusion flashed through his eyes, the way his lips tightened in a grim line. "You just want to claim me for yourself," she added, knowing her words were meant to hurt. She wanted to shake him, to stir a reaction out of him… she wanted him to reassure her that what she was voicing was untrue, she wanted him to tell her once again that he wanted her. Her. Just her. All of her _. Like he had hinted_ … With a sad tone, bringing all her sufferings, doubts and insecurities to the surface, she added: "You don't even see me. You never have."

"Then what is it that I should see?" he asked, voice hurt and angry. "What am I failing to see? Huh?"

"I'm just a doll in your world," she answered, set on pushing him over the edge so that he would let his true feelings out. "A plaything for you to torment."

Dark eyes briefly flashed to a crimson red.

"So that's how you see it," he spat. "What about you then? Was it ever me you wanted or the illusion you have built up in your head? Because there's a big difference between the two, let me tell you that," he snapped.

"I know," she answered simply, unperturbed by his accusation. _I want both I guess._

"So you admit it?" asked the Uchiha heir.

"Admit what?"

"That you avoid me because you don't want to confront your fantasy of me to reality."

A veil of sadness covered her features.

"That's not the only reason," she bravely said.

"Why did you come here, Sakura?" he asked, his tone holding a weariness she had never heard.

Silence.

His eyes darkened. "So that I could make love to you like in the little dreamworld you hide yourself in?" With fisted hands at his sides he closed the distance between them, letting their breaths mingle. "That won't happen you know," he said, his voice angry and raspy, something which made smarter men flee on the battlefield. "You're right," he spat, too hurt to care anymore. "I just want to fuck you."

Thousands knives slashed at her heart, bringing it to a standstill.

"Then fuck me," she answered.

 _Their teeth clashed first, both too much in a hurry to taste each other to angle for a proper kiss. It didn't matter. Nothing about them had to be proper. It all came down to feeling each other, touching each other._

 _Then, lips started their dance, awkward and aggressive. They caressed each other with a hunger close to starvation. Sakura didn't know what she was doing, how she was supposed to do it, but she was determined to take as much of him as she could before retreating to the painful dull of reality and his all-consuming absence. She would satisfy her hunger tonight. She had to._

 _She whimpered as she felt his hands grabbed her sides, one thumb pressing against the underside of her breast as he roughly pushed her against the wall, their lips still feasting of each other. She felt a fleeting heat tease her belly, one she had felt occasionally without ever being able to turn it into something more._

 _Sasuke didn't trust himself to stop. He knew he wouldn't. Couldn't. There, was the girl who made his blood boil in a frantic manner every time she spoke, be it from anger, annoyance, desire, longing, despair. And she was biting his lips, gluing her face to his with an intensity he had never encountered before and he wanted more of it, more of her, more of everything. And he would have it._


	5. Chapter 5

_September 10th_

The room was full with the leading figures of the village, men and women sitting around the large wooden table, all failing at concealing the rising tension each was feeling. Tsunade sat at the far edge of the table, facing her assembly made of clan leaders and top ranked jounin and ANBU Captains. Naruto stood behind her, as well as Shikamaru and his assistant, a young chunin boy barely sixteen with a huge pair of glasses that made his eyes look impossibly huge. On the other side of the room stood the few jonins and ANBU leaders that had been summoned to this meeting. The clans head were mostly silent, sometimes nodding at each other in polite courtesy or exchanging glances that spoke louder than words, checking their alliances and enemies before the meeting officially started.

Standing with his fellows ANBUs, Kakashi felt as an uncomfortable weight settling low in this stomach, the scene unfolding in front of him a sad replay of what he had experienced one too many times. And it was about to start again, and he couldn't help but let his lone eye wander on the faces of the meeting's participants, wondering if they would all get to survive what was to come. But he already knew the answer to that. Who would remain then, this time? Had his own call come to leave this world? He acknowledged the thought with the calmness of someone who had to constantly leave with it and with the rationality that all his years on the battlefield brought him. Yet, nothing was quite like war, he knew, and with each war that forced itself on his path, he felt his chances to see another day rise dangerously slim down. But amongst all his rambling thoughts, what worried him the most was the fate of his ex-students, the closest thing he had to a family. _Is it really going to turn into a war?_

Tsunade cleared her throat lightly, and all heads turned to her in a motion so smooth, one could have thought they had rehearsed it beforehand. It was almost comical. Almost.

"According to our latest reports," she began, voice clear and full of the authority of someone used to lead, "the numbers of civilians and ninjas who have fallen victims to the Syndicate in the last few weeks have dramatically increased. The syndicate members keep moving south, wandering every day further from their strongholds behind the border. In a word, they're getting bolder. With each passing day, new refugees travel to the fortified cities, in hopes of escaping the advance of the thieves and murderers. Until recently, they mostly killed ninjas that tried to interfere with their business, but we have intelligence telling they have started to randomly killed civilians, who pose them no threat to begin with. It's as if this whole thing is a game to them," she finished her voice holding an angry edge that did not go unnoticed by her silent public.

"Some of you here wish for a direct attack on Earth," she went on, "hoping to eradicate the syndicate and finally, after months and months of trouble, murders, and mysterious disappearances, have a safe border and routes that are secure for travel." She paused, locking her eyes with some of the clan heads sitting in front of her, her hazel eyes severe and unwavering. "I understand that some of you have suffered painful losses at the hand of these bandits and rogue ninjas, and I know Konoha has lost too many valuable ninjas recently while we're at peace with other nations, but let me emphasize this: an open conflict is not the solution. Violating Earth authorities' rule over their own nation will be seen as an attempt of taking over a smaller nation."

"They should have reigned in the trouble themselves," spat an old man with grey hair, the head of the Suga clan. "Earth is guilty of letting the situation escalate. We have a legitimate right to intervene," he spat angrily and few people in the room nodded their ascent. "If they do not manage to rule their own country and get rid of the rampant corruption and this damned syndicate, then Konoha has to do it, it's as simple as that!"

Stern faces and calculating glances followed his outburst.

"Maybe we should wait some more," intervened Hiashi, the head of the Hyuuga clan, crossing his arms in front of his chest, translucent eyes turned toward the Hokage. "It is too soon to declare a war given the current situation. An open conflict will bring more trouble than any of us can imagine, and once we start it, it will be out of anyone's control." He paused, the attention of his audience hanging on his next words: "Let ANBU and jounin platoons try to put an end to it and secure the border. Give them time."

"We gave them time," said the head of the Taka clan. "And the situation only worsened. It is time to take more drastic decisions! Waiting is for the cowards," he spat. "I lost my grand-daughter," he went on, a sad expression veiling his features, "who had just passed her chunin exam and was on a regular escort mission. These rats from the syndicate annihilated her team, only her jounin teacher made it out alive, barely I might add, and is now too damaged, both mentally and physically, to be cleared for active duty! Is it what you _waiters_ are waiting for? Do you need more broken teams and dead ninjas to finally be able to take a decision?!"

About a half of the assembly nodded their support to his declarations. Kakashi felt how the weight settling on his stomach became heavier and heavier with each passing second, and was once more happy for the mask hiding his face, for he was sure he wouldn't have been able to hide how his face had paled at the mention of the teacher who had failed to protect his team… his main fear.

* * *

 _September 15_ _th_

Walking down the underground ANBU compound, Sakura was on her way to meeting her ANBU team, her hurried steps blessed with the grace of a ninja of her caliber only lightly hitting the floor. After having changed rapidly in an almost empty locker room, she headed for her meeting point. Room 093. On her arrival, she noticed that two of her teammates were already there. One was nonchalantly sitting on the corner of the table at the center of the room while the other was gazing at an information board hanged next to the door she had just walked through.

"Morning Pinky."

"Ashai," she nodded.

Mei didn't bother to greet her, still absorbed in reading what was on the information board. The tall kunoichi rarely engaged in small talk with them, but Sakura liked working with her all the same. At thirty, the brown-haired woman was one of the few kunoichis her age still on active ANBU duty in an elite squad largely dominated by men. She must have been pretty, thought Sakura while watching her profile, but her face was now marred with two ugly scars, two long lines cutting across her forehead and her left cheekbone. These marks probably made her look scary for the civilian passerby, but for an ANBU it was a mark of prestige, one that meant survival. Her long brown locks had been cut short after their last mission, giving her an odd look that the pinkette had yet to get used to.

Her other teammate, Ashai, was an arrogant jerk who believed himself to be so much better than he actually was. Yet, as a ninja, his speed was a force to be reckoned with. She sometimes believed he could even rival her annoyingly strong old teammates in that one area, when she wasn't busy planning ways to make him disappear of the surface of this earth. His eyes were too tiny for his face, and the constant expression of bitterness shining in them made him look like an angry snake ready to bite.

It wasn't long before their Captain stepped in the room. Shinji Nakahara. Thirty-four, active in ANBU for seven years, five of which as a Captain… and her current nightmare.

* * *

 _September 19_ _th_

Kakashi sighed as he read the scroll one of the ANBU underlings had just given him. It was late, well passed midnight, and the ANBU compound was mostly empty. He wasn't really supposed to get access to that kind of information, since it didn't directly concern his team, but something about Sakura's attitude lately was deeply bothering him and he had to see for himself if there were proofs behind his suspicions. It was true that Sakura had been a shadow of herself. He hadn't failed to notice her growing depression that she tried to hide behind a professional demeanor, polite smiles and curt nods. But she hadn't fooled him. She hadn't fooled any of the Team 7 members.

While he had thought her behavior was mostly due to the complexities of her relationship with Sasuke – or up until recently, rather the absence of such a relationship - and her own struggles as a young woman with growing responsibilities, he had noticed a dramatic change ever since she had joined ANBU. She had become thinner, to the point that it made her look somewhat sick. As a medic, she knew how to hide it and maintain herself on the thin edge between worryingly thin and healthy, but the dark bags under her eyes and the signs of exhaustion of her body often betrayed her best efforts. And what worried him most, were the wounds she failed to heal and scars she didn't bother concealing. As a medic of her talent, such issues could be easily dealt with, but it was as if she deliberately left them out for the world to see. Or maybe she was doing this to punish herself in a twisted way, letting her body endure the pain her mind could no longer deal with… He was just guessing there as he possibly couldn't have a clear grasp of the thoughts of his twenty-two year old ex female student. But if he had learnt something while working most of his career in the elite squad, was that the inner demons and fears of comrades were often worse than what one pictured them to be.

He could go and talk to her of course. Try to confront her and get some answers, but his instincts told him he would fail at breaking the young woman's barriers. He hoped that the recent developements of her relationship with the brooding Uchiha would shake her out of her depression, but part of him doubted it. From what he had understood, Sasuke and Sakura might have had something, but whatever that something might have been, she had gone back to hiding herself and avoiding him. Not that it was surprising given their history and their mistrust of each other. And to think he was cheering for them to become an item... _How naive I am_ , he mentally sighed.

He went on with his reading. The ANBU Team Captain she had been assigned to, Shinji Nakahara, was renowned, aside for his deadly talents on the field, for having fists of anger that often put a strain on the people he worked with. Sakura had been assigned to his team after they had lost a member, a young kunoichi barely twenty years old, a Hyuuga if he remembered correctly. Sakura hadn't been the best fit for a replacement but since Tsunade had thought it might be better for her to not work directly with the two remaining Team 7 members in ANBU – him and Sasuke – the pink-haired female had landed there. He had promised himself that he would keep an eye on her, but there were things even he could not see, and he felt like he was missing out on something big here…


	6. Chapter 6

_October 12_ _th_

It was dark with the somber glow of the night. Cold air embraced their crouched forms, and the absence of a fire was cruelly felt by the four nins. Their large white cloaks did little to keep the bite of the cold away, and some bored it better than others. Ashai and Mei seemed to be fine and Shinji just seemed indifferent. So it seems that Sakura was the only one left to shiver helplessly.

The forest was eerily silent, except for the occasional sounds made by wandering animals, but even that quietness failed to ease their nerves. Sometimes, silence was scarier than the cries of battle. Sometimes.

"Disperse."

At their commander's sharp order, the four nins jumped out into different directions. Ashai and Mei headed East while she and Shinji headed West. They were across the border, on Earth territory. It was an S-rank mission and they were under pressure to carry it out under the utmost secrecy because if Earth's authorities got wind of their little "escapade" on their ground under no official pretense, hell might break loose. Their target: a group of rogues working for the syndicate whose hiding spots they had managed to identify.

Quiet under the moonlight, they jumped from branch to branch, Shinji taking the lead. The rustled sound of moving air was the only signature they left behind. For now. After a few minutes, her Captain stopped and raised two fingers in the air, signaling her to do the same. She stilled, crouched on the branch she was standing on, and waited. She saw him make a few hand signs, and she waited some more, every sense on alert.

 _Nothing._

More seconds ticked by. And then, here it was, that tightly concealed chakra presence. Shinji had felt it before she did.

 _Left… and approaching fast…_

Her eyes focused on the dark form of the trees to her side, expecting their assailant's figure to appear at any moment's notice. _Another rustle of air_. She turned her head back ahead of her, barely catching the form of her moving partner, who had already jumped down and was now hanging in mid-air. A loud clash resonated, metal against metal, kunais clenching. For a brief seconds, the fighters disappeared from her view, hidden by a large trunk. And the next instant, one figure was falling down while the other was jumping gracefully between the lower branches, just in time to cut his prey's throat open before it hit the ground. And the fight was over, just like that.

She left her watching spot and jumped down gracefully to stand next to her victorious Captain who had his back to her. "Let's get moving," he said sharply.

"Hai."

And up they were again, leaving the area silent, completely silent. After about fifteen minutes, they stopped again and she moved closer to him, landing on the same branch as him. His breathing was annoyingly even after their race through the forest.

"Let's rest here for a while," he said, not looking at her.

She nodded, even though she realized the motion was useless since he didn't pay her any attention. She jumped down first, but he was close behind her, his proximity making her stomach painful as if it was being crushed by heavy stones. The moist earth that had splashed on her bare toes was cold, she noticed, but somehow, the sensation was comforting. The damp earth carried the scent of a spring evening, after a heavy rain that had cleaned the world of its sorrows. Only it wasn't spring, and they weren't taking a quiet walk. Shinji leaned his tall frame against an old oak tree, while she remained standing where she was, close enough to him in case of an attack, and far enough from him to avoid his touch, should he decide to grab her. She had not told anyone about… this. About what he did to her. About what she let him do to her. She was beyond disgusted with herself for letting it happen, for letting things go that far.

…

* * *

 _October 16th_

Naruto jumped down the last pair of stairs, hurrying down to the street. The clear blue sky and the fresh air of the morning invigorated him in spite of his growing worries. The degrading relationships with Earth, as well as the internal political fights over what course of action to take had taken its toll on his usually cheerful mood. It was still early and the merchants on the market place were still unpacking their merchandise. A few greeted him as he passed by, but most were too absorbed with their workload to pay him any attention.

Sasuke was away on a mission and not knowing what Kakashi was up to, he had no one to train with this morning. Sure he could go to one of the Rookie nine and ask for a spar, but aside for the ever over-enthusiastic Lee, he doubted they would accept his offer. Everyone was weary with the degrading situation and growing number of failed missions. Plus, he was in the need of a _serious_ spar, and few persons except Sasuke could give him one these days. Not to mention that kicking Sasuke's ass was always a favor he did to the rest of the world. After all, the dark-haired genius was a bastard. Period. And it was his lifelong duty to see that the bastard got a regular beating in hopes of fixing that dark brooding attitude of his. Not that that method had been particularly successful so far. But since the blond future Hokage had never managed to come up with a better idea, he had stuck to the old methods.

Thinking about Sasuke, his thoughts automatically went on to Sakura, who he hadn't seen in ages. He refused to think that she was avoiding them on purpose as Sasuke and Kakashi hinted and preferred to think that she was too absorbed with her hospital duties and new ANBU assignments to spare them any time. Because, after all, why would she avoid them? It didn't make any sense, so of course it had to be because of something else, not because of her own will. He was sure of it. _Almost_ …

Deciding that paying her a visit would help him clear his doubts and would possibly lift up his spirits, he headed to the hospital, hoping she wasn't away on ANBU duties today. Luck was on his side, as the receptionist kindly told him that she was in her office, having just finished an early surgery. Climbing the stairs quickly, he arrived on the large corridor of the fifth floor, which was relatively quiet compared to the hectic atmosphere he had seen downstairs on the main floor. But this was a hospital after all, such things were to be expected. Happy to see that the area was rather quiet, which he hoped meant that she would have time to spare him, he walked to the far end of the corridor, where he knew he would find her in the small cubicle that was her office. As he approached, he could hear faint voices behind the ajar door of her office, so he slowed down his steps before halting and knocking lightly on the white door.

A sharp gasp could be heard from behind the door as well as an audible "Shit".

"This isn't over," said a deep masculine voice behind the door, one that was full of anger. "I'm getting back at you for this. You can be sure of that," spat the owner of the voice.

Half a second later, the door burst open and a tall man, fully clothed in ANBU uniform stepped out, barely sparring Naruto a glance. Naruto followed the tall figure walking down the corridor, and saw as he quickly adjusted his mask back on his face before disappearing after a turn. Naruto's blue eyes moved to the inside of the room, where he saw Sakura, wearing a shocked expression on her face and red teary eyes, sitting on the edge of her desk.

"Hi, Naruto."

He saw how she faked a smile in an attempt to lighten the heavy mood that hanged in the air. His hands clenched at his sides as he noticed, the red marks on her neck and the way her clothes were strangely torn. The upper half of her red vest was unbuttoned, and it was clear that one button had been ripped off. He doubted she would rip off the buttons of her own clothes.

"What happened?" asked the blond ninja.

"Nothing," she answered too quickly. Another fake smile. "I was just… um… see, I accidentally ripped my jacket open, so I… um… was looking for something else to wear and… uh…"

"Sakura." He paused, the expression in his deep blue eyes on the verge of uncontrollable rage. "Who was that guy?"

"Uh?" She feigned to look surprised at his question. Standing up slowly, as if she were hurt somewhere and quick movements put a strain on her body, she walked around her desk and sat down on her chair, the large wooden table now bringing a barrier between her and Naruto.

"Don't play dumb with me," burst Naruto angrily. "Who was the _fucker_? And why did he say he would get back at you?"

Silence.

"Why are you in _such_ a state?" he went on. "What the _fuck_ is going on?!"

"It's nothing, Naruto. We just had an argument, that's all." Her voice was rushed and he could tell, having known her for years, that the lightness in her tone was deceiving.

" _Who_ is he?" insisted the blonde.

"An ANBU."

 _Seriously?_ He thought angrily. _Could have fooled me!_

"Please Naruto… leave it alone," she begged, her cheeks red from embarrassment.

"And what is it that I should leave alone?" he spat back, too angry at the sight he had just witnessed and his mind running with horrible scenarios as to what had just happened there. "Is this guy… _abusing_ you?"

"What?" Wide emerald eyes stared back at him, full of shock… _and was that fear?_

"You heard me."

"Of course not," she replied in a shaky voice. "Please, Naruto. It's nothing. Let it be."

"A guy's telling you that _'he'll get back at you'_ and I find you with torn clothes and marks around your neck, and I'm supposed to pretend like this is _nothing_?"

"Yes," she yelled, anxiety raising within her with each passing second, and her insides torn at the idea of letting him dig in further. Noticing her rash tone at the shock expression that appeared on his face, she then softly added, eyes downcast: "Please…"

"You know I can't do that Sakura," he answered back. "You know me. If you won't tell me who the _fucker_ is and what's going on, then I'll find out myself!"

Silence was his only answer. With a final look at his pink-haired teammate, he walked out of her small office and stepped angrily into the bright corridor.

* * *

 _October 18_ _th_

Sasuke was sitting next to Kakashi around the large table where most ANU Captains had taken place to discuss the upcoming missions relating to the situation with Earth. The number of missions concerning that one area had dramatically increased in the last few weeks, and it seemed that now, they would have to take even more drastic measures to try to put an end to the degrading situation before the Council forced an upon conflict on them. Something that they had to avoid at all costs, for everyone's sake. Which is why this urgent meeting had been rushed.

"So far, the plan is to bring out a coordinated attack against their recently-spotted strong hold in the Rainforest close to the Hikara village," said Kakashi with the even tone of someone who was used to lead.

As an ex-commander during the last ninja war, he had naturally been assigned to leading the operations within ANBU.

"In order to be swift and efficient," he went on, looking more collected than he inwardly felt, "some readjustments must be made and we will change the existing teams in order to pair fighters with similar skills. ANBUs will be divided into categories between spying ahead of action, fight and assassination on the front lines, and back up force on the rear. Most medics will be assigned to teams on the front in order to limit the deaths and long-term damaging injuries. The rest will stay with the back-up force."

Stern faces nodded at his statement, some reading through the battle plan they had been handed and that was to be burned before leaving the sealed room.

Sasuke burnt his with a small sigh of Katon, some people watching him with an annoyed glare at the arrogant display of his skills. Not like he cared. They could look all they want, he knew they would never dare to cross him. Well… most of them at least. Annoyed at the lengthy meeting, and already knowing most of the information thanks to his close ties with Kakashi and Naruto he let his thoughts wander away from reality. As usual, he found himself thinking about Sakura, about how she avoided him since the night they had shared, as if nothing had happened in the first place. But it had happened, and he didn't know how to go on from there. He wasn't exactly experienced with relationships of this type. Part of him thought that she was indeed over him, and that she had come to him out of loneliness. Yet, another voice in his head told him that it wasn't like the Sakura he knew. That it couldn't be _just_ a one-night stand. But the girl that used to wear her emotions on her sleeve was now closed up like a fortress… one he didn't have the key to…

As much as it was out of character for him, he had tried to talk to her, to confront her about the fact that they had slept together, only to face a wall. She had said those damned words: " _It was never meant to be something. Not with you. Not with me. Not for us."_ … Yet, why did his gut feeling tell him that she was telling him the opposite of what she felt…


	7. Chapter 7

_November 3_ _rd_

A sharp cry tore through the night, followed immediately by another strangled scream. Mortally injured fighters fell into the abyss of death, most in a pool of their own blood. Hanare grabbed the kunai stuck in her victim's chest and tore it away, careful to avoid a shortage of weapons for the ongoing battle. The ANBU squads assigned to the attack of the Syndicate's stronghold had by chance managed to surprise the sentinels and had advanced more quickly than predicted toward the core of their camp. The Syndicates rogues were unequally strong, some as powerful as the best ninjas of Konoha, others mere thieves whose life was dealt with in a matter of seconds. But the sheer numbers of people operating for the illegal organization made the whole operation difficult.

One of her team member came to stand beside her, a nasty open flesh wound on his left thigh, one that made the female kunoichi wince.

"You okay?" she asked quickly, her gaze already scanning around them to avoid being caught unguarded. Two men were approaching, zigzagging through the trees in the hope of avoiding flying shurikens or kunais. _How stupid of them_ , thought Hanare. Her last opponent had been strong, but she could tell these two were not high caliber ninjas just by the way they were planning on attacking two ANBUs.

"I will be," breathed her teammate beside her.

She spared him a quick glance and saw that he was already forming quick hand signs. She knew which jutsu he was about to do, and maybe that wasn't such a good idea to spend so much chakra on just one attack given their already low chakra reserves, but she no longer had the time to contradict his decisions. The rogues were upon them. They let out mad cry of battles, swords cutting through the air in a sinister music. But as she had thought, they were weak. Her teammate's ice jutsu stopped them on the spot, and their battle cries turned into the whimpers of dying men. Hundreds of ice needles had cut though them and before they had the time to blink, the tight grip of death was upon them.

Her teammate was panting, exhausted by the ninjutsu attack he had just pulled out. Hanare turned back to him, a trembling hand holding the kunai that was to slip the throats of the now already dead men. She was relieved her teammate had been there for she felt she had killed enough for today. The blood running between her fingers made her hands itch unpleasantly.

"You should head back," she told him, her voice hoarse and weary to her own ears.

"I'm fine. I did worse." With an almost inaudible groan of pain, he stood a little straighter and put his weight on his injured leg, and walked past the two corpses, who only a minute ago had been breathing men. But being an ANBU brought you past any feeling of remorse… or at least that's why they kept telling themselves. Hanare fell in step behind him, careful to watch their backs as they were marching through the woods.

"We should find the Captain," said her teammate.

"I'm sure he's fine," she supplied.

"Of course he is," he agreed.

* * *

The wind kept blowing and the tent of the medics kept trembling under its beating against the thin material. Sakura was unpacking some supplies from the wood boxes that had just been brought from the chuunin teams responsible for the supplying of weapons and goods. The night was advanced and the battle kept raging out there, although according to their latest intelligence, the rebels had fallen back behind the border and were on the retreat. But Konoha had not won anything yet. The Syndicate would probably come up with a counter-attack and this time they would be the ones on the defense… needless to say, she wasn't looking forward to it.

As top medic of this area, she had supervised and organized the treating and evacuation of numerous wounded. On top of that, she had done more than a few operations herself, and she was in dire need of a good rest. But she wouldn't let herself rest, she was too proud to admit she needed rest at all.

"Sakura."

A small woman peaked through the curtains that made Sakura's "consultation room" in this big tent. The pink-haired stood up from the chair she had been sitting on, and smiled at the other medic.

"Yes?"

"Other teams are coming. No major injuries as far as we know. Mostly regular patching up. One of them is a Captain. Will you take care of him?"

"Sure," she said, nodding her head to signify the other woman she could go back to her other tasks. Since she was the ex-apprentice of Tsunade, arrogant ANBU Captains often required to be healed exclusively by her whenever she was available. In her eyes, their decision was unjustified as there was more than one competent medic either on the field or back home at the hospital. But things had developed that way and it was hard to send them back now that they had taken their habits and felt entitled to be directly treated by her.

Some rushed voices came to her ears and she forced herself not to sit back on the uncomfortable chair that looked so tempting right now. People counted on her. She heard one of the medic murmur a quick "This way" and a second later someone was pulling the heavy curtain to the side. She turned around to greet her patient, but the polite smile playing on her lips died at the sight of the tall dark-haired man.

"Sasuke."

He was there, and for the life of her she couldn't stop her heart from beating wildly at the sight of him. She was sick of her infatuation with him. She was exhausted of never feeling in control. Of being so dependent on his presence to be happy. Or maybe happy wasn't the right word. He didn't make her happy. He made her high, deliciously dizzy and terrifyingly scared, and as much as these emotions were confusing her and making her angry, she was addicted to it… to this feeling… because it made her feel alive. The medic part of her brain scanned his body quickly and saw that there was blood splattered on his ANBU uniform, but by the way he seemed to stand and breathe she concluded he had no severe injury and that for the most part that blood couldn't be his.

"Come," she said in her best medic voice. "Sit on the table so that I can see what's wrong."

He didn't say anything nor moved.

The seconds ticked by and she was once more feeling her anxiety rise under the deathly silence of Sasuke Uchiha. That guy knew how to play her, and she _hated_ it. She tried not to think about the fact that she now knew how his warm naked body felt against hers and willed the thoughts of their entangled naked forms to stop tormenting her. But of course that didn't work… she thought about his rough calloused hands pinching her nipples until she was forced to whimper. She thought about the roughness with which he had handled her and how she had strangely been both excited and scared by it. She thought about the way his length had painfully stretched her insides, about his groans of pleasure, about his bruising hold on her hips, about his angry kisses on her neck, about the way she had bitten the pillow to muffle the sounds coming from her mouth.

Forcing herself back to reality with a shake of her head, she pointed a hand toward the chair and said softly: "Or you can sit on the chair. If you prefer. Whichever…"

"I'm not injured."

His voice. His low baritone tone. The soft promises of pain that it carried made her masochistic heart beat even faster, recognizing the holder of the strings that either maintained it together or teared it apart. And the man owning that voice wasn't even aware of the power he held over her. Sure he was somewhat aware of her feelings, thanks to her pitiful confessions in the past. But _this_ was on a whole other level. And he didn't even know it…

"Good," she breathed. "I mean… are you sure? You might have some internal-"

"I'm fine."

"Why did you come here then?"

"One of my subordinate needs healing."

"Oh… ok."

She didn't bother to ask who this subordinate was or how severe his injury was. She supposed that he would have told her if he had wanted her help. Or more likely dragged her where his teammate was, that was more like him. The sound of his voice interrupted her thoughts:

"You?"

 _Had that been a question?_ she wondered.

"What?" she asked back, not sure of what he was meaning.

"Are you alright?"

 _Oh._

"I guess." She felt the urge to hug herself but resisted it.

"Sakura."

Tired green eyes came to rest on his face.

"We need to stop it," he said in a low voice.

And here they were again. She didn't bother asking him what he was referring to. She knew what he was talking about. That night… the weird tension between them… her behavior…But this time, she was too weary to try to avoid this discussion. The one discussion he had tried to initiate more than once. Tonight, she had seen too much blood, pain and sorrow and she no longer had the strength to push him away. She wanted him to be here, with her. She wanted him to stay here. She wanted him to come closer. But she would never let him know that. Because it was a dangerous game whenever Sasuke was involved… not that she considered this thing between them to be a game, but she just couldn't bring herself to drop her guard around him. Experience had taught her that she could not rely on him when it came to responding to her emotions. And now those emotions were safely guarded under layers of denial and bitterness, locked away from the eyes of the world, hidden in the corners of her exhausted mind.

"What should we stop?" she asked, one hand moving up to pull a strand of hair behind her ear, so as to look composed when all she wanted was to crumble down.

His pretty face frowned, an expression she had noticed he often wore lately. At least during the few times they were talking to each other.

"Pretending we don't care," he answered simply.

"About?"

"Playing dumb doesn't suit you." There was anger in his voice and a trace of something else, something she couldn't identify.

"Am I the one playing dumb?" she answered back, taking one step closer to him. "You're the one who said you didn't need me. I left it at that. Words have consequences, Sasuke. Actions too. And yours were all too clear."

"When did I say that?"

The masculine timber of his voice, now soft compared to his earlier answer, pulled painfully around the strings maintaining the pieces of her heart together. "You don't remember?" she asked. She had meant to spit back, but the question came out as a pathetic strangled whimper, as if a hand was pressing tightly around her neck, depraving her of the air she needed to breathe.

Dark eyebrows rose and his previously frowning features evened out in an expression of surprise and incomprehension. _So, he doesn't remember_ , spoke her inner self. It was almost funny, almost, that he had said those words in a similar situation, when she had been in a consulting room, as she was now.

"A couple years ago," answered the pink-haired kunoichi, letting her gaze wander on the instruments resting on the side of the table he had been lying on. "When you had first joined ANBU. I was healing you too on that day. It's kind of funny actually, now that I think about it." A painful smile tore the corners of her lips downwards.

He said nothing. Dark eyes watched intently the expressions appearing and disappearing on her face, his hands itching to touch the porcelain skin covered with the dirt of dust, blood and the cloak of death.

"You really don't remember?"

 _Was that hope that briefly shone through her jade eyes?_ He wondered.

His face remained blank as he slowly shook his head, completely ignorant as to the event she was referring to. "That one day," she went on, her eyes coming back to stare at his face, "you said you didn't need me. And you left, or rather stormed out of the room. Just like that. Just before that, I had tried to tell you that maybe… we could… mend things between us… if there was something to mend. I wasn't asking for anything more. I knew you could never give me anything more. But as you said that you didn't need me, on top of all the mess standing between us, I decided it was best to just let things where they stood-"

"Is that why you avoided me?" he interrupted her, soft voice gone.

"I never wanted to avoid you, Sasuke. It was just better that way."

"Better for who? For you?" A flash of red crossed his dark irises briefly, and if she hadn't been around a Sharingan user for all these years, she would have thought it was a fruit of her imagination.

"Yes."

"So you really never thought twice about how I felt? I'm just a fantasy for you, Sakura. You're too scared to come closer to confront your hopeless dreams to reality."

"You already told me that," she whispered.

"Because it's the truth. We don't even truly know each other."

She hadn't expected such an insightful comment coming from him.

"I know you," she murmured, "and you can't love me." This time she hugged herself.

"Maybe," he said.

Green eyes widened in surprise and he didn't miss the flash of pain that shone through the mirrors of her soul.

 _Two could play this game of hurting the other_ , thought Sasuke darkly.

 _I don't want to hurt you, Sakura._

 _I just want to shake you awake._

 _I just want to pull you out of the misery you hide yourself in._

 _I want you to see me._

 _I want you to trust me._

Bright green eyes searched his, and her lips parted slowly, forming his name: "Sasuke… I…"

He wanted to tell her to shut up, to relieve them of the pain she brought upon them both with her playing hot and cold, with her being so confused about her own emotions. He wanted to kill the fear that was eating her away. He wanted to yell at her. To tell her that they didn't have a choice in this. They belonged together. They were only right for each other. He knew this. He too had fought it in the past, buried this feeling deep down, and had willed his heart not to beat faster in her presence. But it had all be in vain.

In two long strides he was next to her.

And then he kissed her.


	8. Chapter 8

_November 3_ _rd_ _\- Evening_

His lips were soft against hers, softer than she remembered. The kiss was tender, something she hadn't expected. It hadn't been tender the last time they kissed… but maybe she was guilty then. She had been too desperate and hungry for more to focus on proper kissing… or softness… and _oh god_ , he was _fucking_ kissing her. Their moist lips were grazing each other in agonizingly slow motions. One of his hand was cupping her face, the rough material of his ANBU glove a stark contrast on her soft skin. She was surprised at her own lack of reaction, she neither pushed him away nor deepened the kiss, she just stood there, and for once she enjoyed the quietness in her mind and the feeling of comfort that coursed through her body, a slow mantra that eased the tension away. His masculine smell teased her nose and she found herself moaning against his mouth, the sound stirring her awake from her reverie.

 _What was she doing?_

Before she had the time to pull away from the kiss, one strong arm sneaked around her waist, preventing her from going through with the escape plan forming in her mind. _Right. Somehow, it was time they confronted this… whatever this was,_ she thought. He stopped the kiss, and rested his forehead against her own. She forced her eyes to remain shut as she felt the soft caress of his panting breaths against her sensitive lips. She wasn't ready to look at him… not just wait. She wanted to pretend she didn't have to explain herself, or her actions. She wanted him to just hold her and pretend the world wasn't after them. She wanted him to fight the awkwardness and distrust standing between them on his own, because that was one battle she didn't know how to fight.

Speaking of awkwardness… he wasn't speaking, and she assumed he left it to her to break the once again heavy silence surrounding them.

"Are we lovers now?" she asked, her voice trembling against her will.

"I don't know," he said softly, an unreadable expression on his face. "Are we?"

"This isn't a game, Sasuke." She was weary, so weary. Of everything. Of being so infatuated with him she could no longer think clearly. Of her instinct to protect herself of what she knew to be a sure source of pain. Of all the contradicting emotions she felt that both pushed her toward him and made her want to run away. She was tired of being scared, of feeling alone. Maybe, just maybe, she should give this a try… whatever that was… this thing with him.

"What about the others?" she asked, her eyes turning down to fix her toes with all the anger and fear that coursed through her at the thought of his coming answer.

"Which others?"

"The others. You've been with other women, I know." She paused, bracing herself to raise her head slowly and search his eyes. "Your ANBU partner for a start."

Sasuke faced her gaze, unwavering. He hadn't expected her to know about Hanare. Not that it made a big difference if she knew, it was probably better that way in the end, he concluded to himself. "We're not together," he supplied, watching her reaction attentively. "We never were."

"What was it then?" asked Sakura, her heart beating painful beats, and her mind burning with curiosity to finally know if Hanare had meant anything to him.

"Sex."

"That's it?"

"Hn."

"Why?" she asked, her hands twisting nervously at her sides.

"Why not?"

She sighed, troubled by his cryptic answers. "Sasuke, please."

One eyebrow raised elegantly at her last words, and she threw her remaining caution and tiptoeing around him to hell.

"I just want to know why. Why you chose her?"

Dark eyes shifted briefly to the side, breaking their eye contact. He seemed thoughtful for a minute and put his hands in his black pants' pockets. "She just never wanted anything more from me. So I knew it wouldn't turn into anything more."

"How could you know that?"

"Her fiancé died in front of her. It was on a mission, about a year ago."

"Oh." She didn't know what to say to that. She hadn't expected something like this. Even if part of her couldn't help but despise the woman who had had something with the person that had obsessed her most of her life, she wouldn't wish such suffering on anyone. "I didn't know," she said softly.

"Ah."

It made sense now, why Sasuke had felt he could have a regular partner without the cloud of a relationship looming over his head. Hanare was probably still in love with her dead fiancé. Sasuke had just been an outlet for her need for companionship. Nothing more. Somehow, she felt her pent up anger toward the girl disappear. She had never been a threat.

"I'm not sure I can offer you the same thing, Sasuke," she said, her eyes wandering again because of her uneasiness at unveiling her true feelings.

"What do you mean?"

"Just sex… without anything more. You know I… you…" she stuttered, her cheeks heating furiously under his scrutiny. She had to force her mouth close and swallow the lump in her throat to stop herself from admitting her annoying feelings. "I can't do that," she breathed.

"I know," he said simply before adding in a softer tone. "I'm not asking for that… either."

"What are you asking for… then?"

"You."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You know what it is supposed to mean. I already told you." He sighed, closing the hand at his side in a nervous fist. "I want everything."

His dark eyes were as bottomless as ever and she only saw pitless hunger in them, the feeling so strikingly intense that it was frightening… only because every cell in her body wanted to respond to that hunger and be the prey to his desires… something she couldn't allow herself to do. Because in the end he would hurt her, she knew. He could never possibly love her or want her as much as she did him. She would always be the one who would need more… and she would be left wanting with him. Saying _"Yes"_ now was a masochistic move that would condemn her for later sufferings. But she didn't have the strength to pretend she didn't care anymore. She could no longer pretend she was strong. Strong enough to resist the obsession she had for him.

"You don't know what you're saying Sasuke," she said softly.

His features were briefly distorted by an angry grimace. If she hadn't known him for years, she would have missed it.

"Let's go."

"Where?" asked the pinkette.

"My tent," and there was this edge to his tone that didn't leave room for questioning.

* * *

 _Later that night..._

They laid there, bodies pressed tightly against each other. She could feel the heat emanating from him sink in her bare back, the sensation lulling her into a state of deep satisfaction she didn't think even existed. So that was it, this intimacy that people craved. There. This. The rhythm of his breaths was even and relaxed, which in turn forced her to let go on her ever present anxiety to just be… there… with him.

Sasuke wrapped his arms a little tighter around her, still amazed at how good it felt to have her in his embrace. Finally.

Yet he was troubled by her lack of responsiveness during the act. He knew she hadn't orgasmed, probably hadn't even felt that much pleasure. She had been too tensed, like last time, and far from lubricated enough for her to be enjoyable. But unlike last time, it had taken a while for him to come, and the sight of her grimaces of pain and sharp intake of breaths were burnt in his mind, and he couldn't shake away the guilt and dissatisfaction it caused him. He was supposed to pleasure her, he wanted to pleasure her. But even when he had her naked underneath him, she still escaped him, as if he could never really reach her.

"Are you okay?" he murmured against her pink tresses.

She didn't answer right away, but after a while, he felt rather than saw her nod her head.

"Sakura," he tried again, his tone holding a serious edge that made her to turn her head to face him. "Did I hurt you?" he asked, black eyes blazing with an emotion she rarely saw on him.

She shook her head slowly, one hand coming to gently caress his forearm that lay across her stomach. The touch sent a jolt coursing through his body but he forced his head to remain clear.

"Why are you lying?" he asked, voice soft in the dark, a deep masculine timber teasing her overwhelmed senses.

"I'm not lying."

He felt how the muscles of her stomach fluttered as he moved his hand up her flat belly, stroking up her ribcage, right to the underside of her left breast, before moving down, slowly, to rest of her hipbone. He noticed how she suddenly tensed to his proximity to her sex, and he had the answer to his question.

"You don't like to be touched," he said. That wasn't a question.

"It's not that," she murmured, voice soft, eyes wandering from his face to the juncture where his neck met his shoulder. Again, her hand stroked his forearm lightly, and he could have sworn she was doing this to distract him.

"What is it then?"

A sad smile appeared on her features, one that denied him of a proper answer.

"I'm just not used to it, that's all," she said, her words tickling his skin.

"What do you mean?"

"Being touched. Like this. I'm not used to it."

"Sakura." He paused, waiting for her to meet his gaze before adding: "It seems like you… fear it somehow. Am I wrong?"

"It's nothing, Sasuke. I just need time, that's all."

He left it at that. Because what could he tell her? He could feel how she was closing up. Would she ever trust him? Part of him had naively thought that her presence here, in his tent, meant that they were going forward, that they were going somewhere… but he had fooled himself, once again. The mystery she wrapped herself in when the subject of sex was brought up puzzled him more than it annoyed him, and he knew there was more to it than what she let on.

The last time they had slept together had been rushed and messy, both of them too hungry and angry to care. For the life of him, he couldn't remember her being this closed off ad shy, and unable to take pleasure in the act. He had just taken her doggy-style and she had sobbed in his pillows what he thought were cries of pleasure. But now he questioned it, and hated himself for being so careless with her. He hadn't paid attention to her needs back then. He had just taken. And all the while he had been afraid that this was an illusion tricking him and that he would wake up in the morning without knowing the feel of her body, the softness of her curves, the way her hair clung to her sweaty face when she lay spent next to him afterwards, eyes closed and breathless. He felt shameful for having enjoyed it. Twice.

This time had been different. Slower. Softer. This time he had focused on her, on how their bodies were intimately pressed against each other, on the pattern of their breaths. And he had seen how she tensed under his touch, how she had grimaced when he had entered her.

"Will you stay?" he asked in a whisper.

"Do you want me to stay?" she asked back, and he could hear the incredulity in her voice, something that caused a sharp pain in his chest.

"You could," he replied evasively.

"I could," she replied softly, too softly. "But I shouldn't," she added.

He remained silent, tired at her pushing him away, fed up with her futile attempts at avoiding the inevitable between them.


	9. Chapter 9

_November 3_ _rd_ _– that same night_

Exhaustion was crippling them. Naruto could feel his teammates ply under the weight of fatigue, fear and weariness. They had lost one team member. Considering the harsh battle they had just come out, it was a miracle most of them had survived. But still…

Seasoned ANBU had reached their limits more often than not. The guerilla warfare the Syndicate forced them into was nothing new to them, but leading a coordinated attacks on such a large scale with stretched lines of supply and back-up was not something they had had to do since the last ninja war. Naruto fared better than them, thanks to the sealed Kyuubi inside him. Funny how the tailed-beast who caused despair in his early life was now his best insurance in tough situations. _Well, not really funny… maybe just surprising…_ But even ten Kyuubis could not protect him from the sight of dying men, and from the butchery ninjas were capable of. _Was the fight for peace really worth all this suffering out there?_ he wondered.

Slowly, they made their way through the dense forest toward the camp where the temporary headquarters had been set up. The commandment changed places regularly so as to avoid being targeted by their enemies. Naruto usually stayed with them and participated in the analyze of the recent intelligence and developed battle plans accordingly. But he had to admit, he lacked experience of strategical warfare and felt more at ease out there on the battlefield where his powers allowed him to be recognized as one of the best. But leading a contingent of deadly skilled ninjas against an enemy always on the move was not a skill he had mastered yet. He was most impressed with the way Kakashi and his fellow ANBU Captains led the whole operation. With a painful grip around his heart, he realized that he still had a long way to go before being a Hokage worth of the title. But small setbacks would never make him give up on his goals. With a long sigh, the young blond man quickened his pace and muttered words of encouragement to the tired figures following him.

As they came close to a river coursing through the woods, his senses picked up the buzzing of the chakra barrier nearby. His companions felt it too, and he could hear a few sighs of relief. Without, another word, the small group made its way toward a large oak tree in front of which a lone cloaked figure stood. _A sensory type_ , Naruto knew. The tension among the silent figures rose slightly before the cloaked man gave a silent nod. A few seconds after that, they could feel part of the chakra barrier being momentarily lifted. Without another glance to the cloaked man, the group marched further between the shadows of the tall trees. About a hundred meters after the barrier stood the first brownish and greenish tents of their current retreat.

The camp was calm, and only a few fellow ANBUs wandered in between the tents. Naruto left his teammates in front of the medic encampment and walked toward the center of the camp where a rather large hole could be seen on the ground. With a few hand signs, he lifted the barrier protecting the entrance and entered the underground tunnel. The underground facility had been created only a few days prior by earth type ninjas, and the earth was still freshly returned, giving the whole facility the feeling that it could crumple down at any moment's notice. _Well, it managed to hold until now_ , he preferred to think.

The dim light of candles lit the small room where the Captains were holding their late night council. His old teacher, Kakashi was leaning nonchalantly against a wooden pillar supporting the fragile roof above their heads _. If they were buried because of this…_ Well, it's not like ninjas of their caliber would be stopped by a bit of earth. Or a lot for that matter… _Stop thinking about this!_ He admonished himself.

Some of the men persons present nodded at his entrance, others ignored him, but he didn't take notice of it. They did not have the luxury of pettiness over small details. Over the briefing that took place, Naruto learned with dismay that most of the teams dispatched on that day had not been as lucky as his.

"It seems like they are regrouping North of here," explained a short dark-haired man, probably in his mid-thirties. "They are most likely organizing a counter attack, the only real question now is when and where they will strike."

"What about the ninjas we sent undercover within their ranks?" asked Takeo, a Hyuuga Captain with whom Naruto had frequently worked in the past.

"As far as we know, they have not been uncovered," said Kakashi slowly, letting his lone eyes rest on the faces of the men surrounding him, before adding. "Yet."

"Is there anyway, we could put them to better use. If they struck the leaders of the Syndicate now, chaos would ensue within their ranks, and we would be able to put an end to this conflict faster," intervened a tall man on the far left of the room. His face was partly hidden in the shadows, but all the same, Naruto felt an inexplicable unease take over his senses at the sight of the man, as well at the sound of his voice. Yet, he couldn't tell why he was reacting this way. _After all, this is just another ANBU Captain… So why were alarm bells ringing in his head?_

Kakashi straightened his previously slouched posture and cleared his throat before saying: "Those people are to remain undercover for now. Currently, they are our best assets in this fight, and provide us with valuable intelligence. The fact that, to our knowledge, most of them are still in place within the enemy's ranks is a small victory in itself, and provides us with a definite advantage should things come to worse. We cannot afford to risk that now just in the hope of having a quicker victory. There are too many cards in this fight which we don't hold yet. Rushing things now will only doom us later on." The grey-haired commander had explained all that in a tone that left no room for questioning or arguing, and Naruto watched in awe as all the other Captains present simply nodded their ascent without further debate. Kakashi was indeed a force to be reckoned with, both on the battlefield and out of it. He had this aura of a leader that Naruto desperately ran after, and while he felt or rather knew that he could match or even surpass Kakashi on the battlefield, he felt humbled by the man when it came to strategic thinking and leading.

After that, few valuable suggestions were made, and they collectively decided to stick to the battle plan already in place. After a few words with Kakashi, Naruto left the underground facility and welcomed the fresh air of the night against his skin. Leaving that earthy hole was a relief in itself. The meeting had been longer than he had expected, and he could see that the dawn was already rising. Most tents were still silent, their inhabitants probably trying to catch as much precious sleep as they could. Some rushed movement on the left caught his attention and his eyes widened at the sight of a pink-haired kunoichi hurrying outside a small tent standing on the outskirts of the camp. If he didn't know any better… _that tent was Sasuke's…_

* * *

 _November 4_ _th_ _– early morning_

Hanare stretched her tired limbs with a groan. She had spent the night watching over her injured teammate. The medics had patched up most of his nasty leg injury, but she had felt that it was her duty to stay close by. If she had been the injured one, she wouldn't have wanted to spend the night alone. After a painful healing session, Hitoshi has fallen in a much needed sleep. At some point during the night, she must have dozed off as well, but she regretted it now. Sleeping on a chair was not the best of ideas. Hitoshi was still unconscious, and his face looked free of the fear and pain that has marred his features the night before. With a small smile directed at her asleep comrade, she stood up and pushed the curtain closing their "room" to the side. She walked to the center of the tent, where a tiny medic was unpacking supplies and laying them in an orderly manner on the table in front of her.

"Hello," said Hanare to the young medic brunette, who turned around to face her. Hanare saw how she first frowned when laying her eyes on her, but that expression quickly went away, and the ANBU woman supposed the medic must just have been alarmed by the amount of blood splashed across her ANBU uniform. She did not have the time to wash it after all… But after a quick check up, the medic concluded that Hanare was not on the verge of dying, and she smiled back.

"Hi. What can I do for you?"

"I was just wondering if someone should maybe check on my teammate. It's been hours since a medic last came by and… I don't know. I just want to make sure that he's fine, you know?"

"Sure," said the small brunette, looking up to meet the eyes of the tall slender ANBU. "One of the medic in charge should be here shortly. Ah! Speaking of which-"

The heavy curtain marking the entrance of the tent was promptly lifted and interrupted the medic. Both women in the tent turned around at the sound and the medic offered a polite nod at the person walking in in abrupt steps.

"Sakura!" she greeted cheerfully, while the head medic gave back a short nod of recognition, her features setting in a hard mask at the sight of the person standing next to her young assistant. The pinkette had not expected to come across Hanare, and in spite of Sasuke's last cryptic assurances, she could not help the cold grip of fear from chocking her tender throat. The ANBU woman offered her a friendly smile, one that said that nothing stood between them.

"I'm happy you're here," said Hanare.

Pink eyebrows rose high in surprise.

"My teammate was injured last night," supplied Hanare quickly. "You guys did a wonderful job patching him up, yet… I guess I just need to hear once more that he's going to be fine. Sorry if I'm a bother…"

"It's okay," said Sakura in a soft tone.

Passing by the tall ANBU, Sakura walked in the small cubicle made of curtains where the injured man lay. He was still deep asleep and the regular rhythm of his breaths was a first indicator that Sakura's mind registered automatically. She kneeled next to the makeshift bed and ley her hands on the man's torso, letting a thin layer of chakra cover his body, checking in a short amount of time the state of his vitals as well as the healing of his injuries. She felt a presence behind her back, one she assumed to be Hanare's.

"He's going to be fine. His body needs sleep first though. He's not going to be sent out on the field for now."

"Alright," breathed Hanare. "Thank you. I –"

"I should go," interrupted the pinkette, standing up quickly and reaching the curtain door in two long steps, not once glancing at the other woman.

"Sakura, wait!"

Said person halted mid step, one hand already grasping the curtain. She heard the person behind her release a heavy sigh, and then murmur in a small voice:

"Don't hate me…"

 _What?_

She turned around slowly, and fixed her intimidating green eyes on the elegant brunette who was still half covered in blood.

"Why should I hate you?" she asked, forcing her voice to be slow and measured.

"Because of Sasuke."

 _Oh. So they were having this discussion…_

Sakura forced the anger and pain afflicting her to clear up, and said with an honesty that surprised her: "I don't hate you. He told me about… That you… lost someone."

"Ah." A veil of sadness and pain covered the features of Hanare and Sakura felt a pang of pain at the sight.

"I… it's true that I hated you though. Or I'm not sure if it was really hate… just-"

"I know," said Hanare with a sad smile. "I would have felt the same, trust me. It's all over. You know. And I never meant to come between you two. But you just seemed to never seek each other's company. And I…"

"Stop it," said Sakura abruptly. "You do not have to explain yourself. It's –"

"No I do," interrupted Hanare once more. "I feel like I do, so please let me."

Sakura said nothing and the ANBU brunette took in for a sign of consent.

"I was selfish. I have to admit that I was. I felt lonely and I was attracted to him, and I thought my pain justified me seeking affection from him."

Sakura remained still, listening with conflicting emotions as the other woman poured her heart out.

"He never gave me much you know. It was just sex to him. At first, I thought that that was just the way he was. That he was really just as cold as his reputation said. Sometimes he was quite rough too, and I felt like I should stop it. That usually happened after he saw you or talked to you, I found out later on," said Hanare staring directly into the green orbs of the woman who obsessed her Captain.

"I made him angry," said Sakura sadly.

"No, you made him desperate." Hanare watched intently as Sakura's eyes widened in surprise and how she then frowned in misunderstanding. "He loves you," explained the bunette.

A deep blush covered Sakura's cheeks while she felt her heart was trying to climb out of her throat. She took in a shaky breath, but found herself unable to say anything, and watched with an open mouth as Hanare went on:

"He just doesn't know how."

"I… I…" tried to articulate Sakura.

"I don't know him that well you know. He never opened up to me or confided himself in me. I just figured it out after a while. There was always a pattern to his reactions whenever you came close to him. That's how I understood. I'm afraid I let myself in something toxic with him. But I respect him, and I want him to be happy. I know you and me will never be friends, Sakura. But please… taking the advice from someone who lost her lover to this sick world… give yourselves a chance."

Two drops of water ran down the reddened cheeks of the young medic in front of her.


	10. Chapter 10

**_NOTES:_**

 _Many thanks for taking the time to read this story. A special "thank you" to all the reviewers and critics who keep me motivated and make me want to work more on this story._

* * *

 _November 4th – morning_

Sasuke woke up to an empty tent, with the last traces of her warmth gone from the sheets they had been entangled in. He remembered how his arms had tightened around her frame when she first attempted to make her escape, and for a while, she had remained still in his embrace, allowing him to feel the softness of her skin and the heat of her body. But when his hands had started their slow caresses, she had immediately tensed up and was quickly out of his arms, before he had the time to protest. He had watched with still sleepy eyes how she dressed up in a sitting position, making quick work of her wrinkled medic outfit.

She had turned around slowly to face him with searching eyes.

"I have to go," she whispered.

"Ah." _At least she stayed the night._

She seemed to hesitate for a brief second, pearly teeth biting her full lower lip in the darkness. But whatever made her pause, she shook it off, and a few seconds later she was fumbling with the entrance of the tent and was out. He had closed his eyes and let a heavy sigh out, his body torn between the remaining sleepiness and the growing erection that called for immediate attention. With a lazy hand, he had reached down and stroked himself slowly, the vivid image of her reddened cheeks and open mouth burned in his mind. Once satisfied, he had felt back into a much needed sleep, a dreamless one.

Waking up for the second time, he felt a pang of loneliness and frustration at her absence, but if anything, he felt like he finally was starting to understand Sakura's mixed signals. She wanted him. That he was certain of. If she still loved him was not something he could determine yet, but she wanted him. But there was something she was not telling him. Something she was holding back. And his instincts were telling him that whatever secret she kept from him, it somehow had to do with her tensed reactions during the act. The sex had been awkward, and her grimaces and sharp intake of breaths had betrayed more pain than pleasure, something that deeply bothered him. She had not asked him to stop, she had just laid there beneath him. But once the difficult penetration had been over, she had surprised him by leaving her body closely entangled with his, his heart beating in a happy nervousness as her hands had softly stroked his arms and shoulders, as timid lips left humid kisses on his neck and shoulder blade. Her tenderness had been short lived, but he already felt like the memory of it would keep him awake on lonely nights. A small smile crept on the Uchiha stoic features.

* * *

 _November 4th – later that same morning_

In the pale morning light, Sasuke made his way through the camp, fully clad in his ANBU gears, smooth long strides shortening the distance to the entrance of the underground meeting room where Captains had been called up. Close to the facility, he saw Naruto sitting on a tree trunk, cerulean blue eyes fixing him from afar. Knowing that avoiding the dobe was pointless anyway, he walked in his direction and stopped in front of the brooding form of his friend.

"Your team?" enquired the dark-haired man.

"Will be okay," muttered the blonde. "Yours?"

"One injured. Nothing too serious."

"Good," said Naruto with before letting out a small sigh. He raised his head up to face his standing friend, and said in a serious tone: "Many Captains are talking of sending new under-covered agents within their ranks. You were not there for the meeting last night. What do you think?"

"It could work," said the Uchiha heir with a pensive expression on his aristocratic features. "It's risky though. It will depends on who they sent out."

"Some Captains expressed the ideas to send out more such as Rookie ANBU still in training."

"Now, that's foolish," said Sasuke. "Kakashi won't allow that," he added with certainty.

"Kakashi left for the frontline last night. Akira, the Hyuuga, is in charge now."

"Shit," breathed Sasuke. With Kakashi at the head of the platoon, they were part of the small council of decisions-makers and had a direct influence on the course of things. Without his presence there, both young men were deprived of a much needed authority and influence over the group of battle-hardened and few blood-thirsty ANBU Captains. Sasuke was not above them in hierarchy and Naruto lacked any official title beside the one as "apprentice Hokage". Sasuke kicked a mutt of frosted earth in frustration and put his hands in his pockets in a brisk motion, anger bubbling behind his serious demeanor.

"Can I ask you something?" asked Naruto. His blond friend's voice held an emotion that Sasuke couldn't quite pinpoint but who made him turn around more fully to face his friend all the same.

"What?" he asked back, cautious.

"What about Sakura?"

"What about her?" asked back Sasuke quickly, too quickly.

"I saw her coming out of your tent this morning," explained his friend, deep cerulean eyes unwavering under his intimidating dark stare. "Did she spend the night with you?"

Sasuke's first reflex was anger, a wish to deny it or yell that it was none of Naruto's business. But something made him pause before his angry speech lashed out: the expression on Naruto's face. What he saw there reminded him that his friend cared about Sakura as much as he did, that he viewed her as a sister. He was asking out of concern for her, not misplaced curiosity.

"Ah. She did," he admitted in a barely audible voice.

Naruto nodded at that, and stared hard at the floor for a full minute before speaking up again: "I know how much you care about her, Sasuke. But I can't help but feeling uneasy about this…"

"I don't plan on hurting her," said the brooding Uchiha patiently.

"I know you don't. But there is so much left unsaid between the two of you that… that I can't help but think that you should both confront your own demons, your own reasons as to why it took you that long to try to be together when you are so obviously crazy about each other."

"I'm not sure she feels that way," countered Sasuke, a feeling of insecurity that the young man had been confronted to in his life coursing through his veins.

"Please," sighed Naruto exasperated. "She never stopped loving you. She does not know how to breathe without the idea of you."

"That's really exaggerated, you kn-"

"It's not," barked Naruto in interruption. "You don't know her like I do. You never saw her break down like I and Kakashi did. There is so much you are not seeing, Sasuke."

Sasuke did not feel the strength to contradict his friend, and part of him could not help but agree with the accusation of his friend. How could one love someone so much and yet know so little at the same time? He felt like he did know her. He felt that they had this implicit understanding that no words would ever be able to convey. However, he knew deep down that Naruto was right. Whatever the strength of the bond he had with Sakura, that bond always failed to reveal the enigma that was his now pink-haired lover.

Naruto stood up from the trunk he had been sitting on and let his serious gaze meet the onyx eyes of his friends.

"There is something wrong with Sakura," said Naruto slowly, waiting for his friend's reaction.

Sasuke snapped out of his thoughts at his friend's declaration, one that resonated deeply with his own conclusions about the young woman. Although he wondered exactly what Naruto was referring to. He knew his friend could not possibly know about her apparent fear of intimacy, so the question was: _What did Naruto know that he himself did not?_

"What are you referring to?" asked Sasuke cautiously.

"I think"… started Naruto hesitantly, "I think someone is after her or something. Even abusing her maybe..."

 _That is definitely not something I know_ , thought Sasuke.

"Who?" asked the Uchiha, a dark aura already spreading in the air around him, something that Naruto did not fail to notice.

"Some ANBU guy. I don't know who…" added Naruto sadly, bowing his head low so as to avoid the fury in the gaze of his best friend.

"What?" snapped Sasuke, all countenance forgotten, raw anger pouring out of every pore of his being.

"I just saw the guy once, okay? And everything happened so fast. I was under shock, alright? My first concern was for Sakura. When I came back to my senses, the bastard was long gone."

"What the hell did he do to her?"

"I think he was trying to… choke her or someth-… yeah, well. And her clothes were torn too."

Sasuke had to use all his self-control not to snap at his friend and let his killing fury take him on a wild rampage. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths with exaggeratedly slow motions so as to regain the some sort of control over his body and mind. If whatever Naruto was hinting at was true, then there was more than what he suspected behind Sakura's uneasiness around him and her avoiding them since she joined ANBU a few months ago. Whoever did that and whatever actually happened, someone would pay. Sasuke would made sure of that.

"Any idea who that could be?" asked Sasuke with still closed eyes so as to hide his bloody spinning sharingan from his friend.

"All I can remember was that the guy was really tall."

Sasuke thoughts raced in his head, trying to narrow down the ANBU males fitting that description. Only, most of them fitted that description. _It's no use_ , he sighed mentally.

"Anything else?" he asked again.

"No, I'm sorry… I first rushed to Sakura and then got into a sort of argument with her as she would not tell me who the fucker was or what the heck had happened."

Sasuke groaned in frustration, no longer bothering to conceal his spinning red eyes from the world. Naruto's brows rose slightly at the sight, but he did not comment. Sasuke's mind kept racing, trying to figure out who could be after Sakura and also how the hell had she gotten herself in such a situation in the first place. Sakura was not a weak person, neither physically nor mentally.

 _So why? How?_ Sasuke kept thinking:

 _She would not have been intimidated by a fellow ANBU. Collective blackmail would have been heard of, so that could be ruled out. It must be just one person. Her team? Mei, that prick Ashai and her Captain. Who was the guy again? Ah right, Shinji Nakahara. The team was not known for conflicts or issues of that kind. Could they be ruled out? Other Captains? Was it someone trying to target him through her? After all, more than a few ANBUs, especially Captains were jealous about his rapid ascension through the ranks and his close ties with Kakashi and Naruto (thanks to whom he had been reluctantly accepted back at the top of Konoha's ruling elite)._

 _Sakura. Sakura. Sakura. She must have felt isolated in ANBU, cut off from her old team, from her friends of the Rookie 9. Why had she kept silent all along? Was this the reason behind her growing suffering since she joined ANBU? Whoever was doing this must be pressuring her with something… probably someone she fears … someone with authority. As much as she was rebellious at heart, Sakura was a trained soldier who fell in line with her commanders' directives._

 _So… it definitely has to be a Captain,_ concluded Sasuke.

* * *

 _November 4th – late morning_

Sakura wept the sweat on her forehead with the back of her hand. She walked out of the operation cubicle with a weary but satisfied sigh and dropped on the first wooden box, her tired body and shaky legs welcoming the sitting position with relief. She had done a total of three operations in the span of a few hours, and her chakra reserves were seriously low. She knew that if Tsunade or Shizune were here, she would get a serious scolding. Luckily for her, they were not. The short night before had not helped her already tired condition either.

 _But I would not change it for the world,_ she thought.

Medic assistants chatted happily around her and she felt an unexplainable surge of happiness and contentment run through her being, the feeling lately so foreign to her and so strikingly intense that a small smile crept to her lips.

"And one more saved," said Azumi, a red-haired medic in her late twenties with large round glasses that made her eyes look much bigger than they actually were. She patted Sakura on the shoulder affectionately, and Sakura returned her smile.

A tall ANBU walked in the medic tent, politely nodding to the people on his way. Even without his pale eyes and black long hair, his air of natural authority and his manners would have betrayed him. The handsome Hyuuga Captain walked straight to the crouched form of the Hokage apprentice and after a curt "Hello" he handed her a sealed scroll.

"Akira," greeted Sakura while closing her hand around the white roll of paper.

"How are things in here?" enquired the Hyuuga Captain.

"Serious injuries but we managed to avoid further casualties so far…" Coded words to avoid mentioning the horror they never got used to in spite of their profession.

"Good. Kakashi left for the front lines yesterday night. Sasuke and Naruto were dispatched earlier this morning as well. I thought you would like to know," he added in a softer tone.

"Thank you, Akira."

"You too have been assigned to a new mission," said the Hyuuga more gravely. "The scroll will provide you with all the information you need. The remaining Captains present this morning opted for a new infiltration within their ranks. Your Captain recommended you," he added, his tone letting Sakura understand that she should be honored to have her superior's recommendation for sch a high risk mission.

"Alright, I'll get read-"

"He will be accompanying you," said Akira. "Your Captain, I mean," he added quickly, scratching his head nonchalantly.

Sakura felt as if the air was being painfully forced out of her lungs.


	11. Chapter 11

_November 4_ _th_ _– mid- afternoon_

Sakura walked silently behind the tall figure leading the way, their steps audible only to a well-trained ear. She watched her sandals fit into the larger imprints of his steps on the muddy ground, her thoughts wandering back to her hurried departure from the camp. After Akira had dropped the news of her most likely impending doom, she had first sat motionless on a box of supplies, mentally forcing her lungs to function again and breathe in the now foul air surrounding her.

 _Why? Why?_

Somehow, someone managed to snap her out of her trance, and she packed her weapons and medic scrolls unhurriedly as if slower motions would slow down time by some miracle. Only miracles did not exist, and all too soon, she saw a familiar male figure walk inside the main medic tent, a hard expression plastered on his face. He did not even greet her. He did not need to. They rarely did after all. Azumi and one other medic whose name she could never remembered hugged her on her way out and wished her a safe journey, probably expecting her to join the ongoing battle where most ninjas were being sent. Only she wasn't. She was in for something far more dangerous. Something she had never done before, at least not in ANBU and certainly not when the stakes were this high. And her only back up was a person she could not allow herself to trust.

Her sandals splashed loudly in the mud, betraying her carelessness and waking her from her reverie. A sharp look from her Captain was all she got, before they both resumed their silent march through the woods.

How had it come to this? _Oh right_ … it was all her fault. Her thoughts wandered back to how this messed up situation had started, on how she had unknowingly given him the means to now pressure her whenever he felt like it. Back then, she had been so scared not to be up for the job, not to be good enough as a kunoichi, not to be attractive enough as a woman, that she had herself contributed to dig the pit of hell where she was now.

 _Thinking back…_

* * *

 _5 months prior - flashback_

ANBU duty required a level from dedication that other kunoichis could avoid most of the time. But in the elite squad, there was no shying away from such missions… seduction missions. She had known that before joining. She had naively thought that she could deal with it, separate her mind and feelings from her body when she would have to do it. All the experience she had got when joining the squad had been a drunken night with a civilian, some brown hair guy that had said a funny joke on a night she felt desperately alone. There had been drinks, and more jokes, and wandering hands before he had murmured something in her ear… and she had giggled, like the stupid girl she was because it felt good to have someone's unwavering attention, to see the glint of desire in his eyes and knowing she was the cause of it.

She hadn't felt excited by him, but she did not wanted the thrill to end, so she had followed him home, let him undress her and press her down the mattress, let him roughly claim her for a few minutes, her insides sore at the strange fullness of his length. It had neither been pleasant nor unpleasant. The guy had fallen asleep once the act was over, and she walked home through the calm night, her mind trying to figure out what had just occurred and make sense of it. All the same, she had felt somewhat relieved. Relieved that she no longer was a virgin knowing the dangers and expectations in a ninja's life. She had forced her mind not to wander to a certain dark-haired man, not to think about how different his touch could have been… it was pointless anyway. As if he would ever touch her. Fantasies had no place in this reality, she knew this all too well. He barely looked at her to begin with.

A few days after that night, she went for the first time to the underground ANBU facility where she met the team she had been assigned to. They had just lost a member, and the atmosphere was tense and unwelcoming, something she forced herself to overlook. Her first missions had been difficult, but somehow, she had managed to put up with the bloody murders expected of her, with the deceptive nature of the job, earning people's trust to better slash them later. She told herself it was for her friends, for her village. She told herself the old members of Team 7 would be proud of her. But all too soon the dreaded requirements of top kunoichis – _seduction missions_ \- came by in the form of a black scroll that her Captain handed her without as much as a second look. He was a harsh and insensitive bastard in her opinion, but he knew how to lead a team and he was strong so in a way she respected him and looked up to him. He would never be the leader Kakashi was, but Sakura forced herself not to think back about those she held closest to her heart.

She had taken the scroll with a firm grip, a fake courage and a sharp nod, making everyone believe, herself included, that she could handle this. One day later, seventy miles away, she was crying in a puddle of blood, gasping for her, shaky hands holding a kunai. When her team found her, all she got was a disappointed look form Shinji, before he walked away, letting Mei cover her nakedness with a white cloak. The lifeless form lying next to her was proof of her incompetency, of her weakness… weakness… weak… She had been supposed to recruit the rogue Cloud nin to work underground for Konoha, seduce him and entice him so he would see the benefits of tying himself to them. But she had obviously _failed_ to do so, as attested the blood covering her limbs.

About a week later, as she had been on a mission alone with her Captain, camping outside in the woods, eating silently in the dark, Shinji brought up the issue:

"I had to report the failed mission."

"I know," she whispered. "Anyway, I did not ask you to cover up for me."

"I would not have done it even if you had asked," he answered simply.

 _Good to know_ , she supposed grimly.

"These types of missions come more often than not Sakura, and Mei isn't supposed to take them all the time. You should be better prepared than that," he admonished her. "What happened back then anyway?"

She did not answer him straight away. She let her gaze wander across the shadows of the tall trees, she let her senses feel the goosebumps due to the fresh air of the night, and she closed her eyes as she felt the redness of embarrassment and shame crawl upon her skin. "I panicked," she breathed out.

"You're still there due to mere chance, because you were faster than him. You won't be so lucky all the time. This is something you have to get over with. I will not have a failing kunoichi on my team!"

Those words caused her a sharp pain, because she had never thought she would hear those words, not after all she had accomplished. But here they were, and they were powerful enough to bring her back to her old crying and miserable self.

"I don't want to be a failure…" she murmured to herself, one arm wrapping itself around her knees for comfort.

"What was that?" came his sharp voice.

"I don't … w-want to… b-be a failure…" she repeated timidly under his intense gaze.

Shinji had then looked at her with a mixture of disgust and dare she say desire? There was something in his eyes, something she could not quite identify, but whatever that was, she knew she was the cause of it. Her eyes rested on his face, forgetting her shyness and the tears ready to burst at the corners of her eyes, following the strong line of his jaw, examining his even features. He could be handsome she guessed. He lacked the boyish attractiveness of Naruto or the aristocratic features of Sasuke but she was sure a fair share of women would find him to their liking. But he did not stir anything within her. Somehow, that made her feel inadequate, as if something was wrong with her. She felt like an empty shell.

"Do you want me to help you?" asked a deep voice, shaking her out of her musings.

"What?"

"You heard me the first time, Sakura."

"What do you mean by 'help'?" she asked even though part of her mind had already processed what he was offering.

"You know very well what I mean," he answered smoothly.

She blushed and bit her lip in frustration at her virgin-like behavior. She wanted to say no to the ridiculous offer but on the other hand… did she really have a choice in this. If she wanted to be a full asset to her village, she had to see this as one more required skill in her arsenal. Nothing less, nothing more. Her body and her sensitivity no longer belonged to her and she had to accept that. Ino could do it, Mei could do it, Tsunade did it when she was younger.

She looked again at the tall figure sitting next to her, forced herself to hold his intense gaze and she nodded slowly, knowing she did not fully know what she was saying 'yes' to.

That night and the ones to follow had left her mind numb and her body bruised, a dull ached accompanying her days. She had not known what to expect, but she now knew that he did not get off on trying to pleasure her but on witnessing her helplessness. She guessed she would never know if his offer had initially been made out of genuine concern for her and for the team's ability to perform, but there was no doubt left now that their arrangement had turned into a sick game meant to satisfy his twisted urges.

She managed to put a stop to it by some miracle as she successfully performed a few seduction missions, bringing a cloak of disgust on her shoulders and the taste of shame on her tongue. Seeing he had no reason to pressure her anymore, he let her take her distances, but she could still feel the way his eyes lingered on her when she passed by, the way his hands twitched when they were alone. Once in a while he would snap, try to coax her back into their past arrangement, chocking her and groping her to see the light of helplessness in her eyes he liked to much. But he never forced himself on her… he liked to play this game of cat and mouse way too much to put a premature end to it.

 _End of flashback_

* * *

 _November 4_ _th_ _– mid- afternoon_

They had stopped a few miles north of the designated camp of rogues where she was supposed to go undercover and once more, he had managed to secure her between a large tree trunk and the form of his tall body.

He stroked her cheek gently, the rough pad of his thumb a stark contrast to her porcelain skin. All she felt under his touch was an icy feeling coursing through her body. She averted her eyes, no longer able to pretend she was strong and could hold his penetrating gaze.

"You will be alright," he said, voice low, tone grave.

"You don't know that," she replied coldly.

The hand cupping her cheek dipped lower to press its all too familiar grip around her tender throat. She let him follow the familiar pattern of his sick game, let him assess his position of dominance over her, because she knew it was the shortest way to get rid of him. The less she fought, the more quickly he would lose interest.

"You haven't been very cooperative lately," he murmured, pressing his body closer to hers so that he could let his lips caress the shell of her ear.

"Why?" she snapped. "Do you want me?"

He could feel the anger behind her words, something that urged him to tighten his grip around her neck. He felt her draw a last needed gulp of air before her body went rigid with its will to resist the assault, fighting to hold its own against the pressure he was exerting. It was not so much her he wanted, they both knew… It was the fear adorning the delicate features of her face that he craved, the way her eyes shone strangely with unrepressed anger before she lowered them in submission. It was the way her body shied away from him before surrendering briefly that drove him crazy.

Knowing that a woman with such gifts and abilities, able to wield such force, could be so vulnerable stirred something in him that he could not quite comprehend but he was too addicted to stop now. Putting the mighty Hokage's apprentice and top ANBU Captain's former student to a mess of tears and shaky spasms gave him that rush of power that he so craved. It was not so much her that he wanted to destroy but rather what she represented: the power of the privileged, the Hokage's clique.

"Do you like it, Sa-ku-ra?" he asked, satisfied at the way her face reddened due to the lack of her she was struggling against.

"Sh- hut…umpfgh…"

She was not crying yet he noticed, but that would come soon. He decreased the pressure around her throat, his large hand now slowly rubbing the angry red skin, listening like a starved man to her sharp intakes of breath, a sound he had been craving for weeks now.

"Y-You're si -ick!" she let out with difficulty, still adjusting to her newfound access to full breathing.

The sides of his mouth curled in an ugly smirk distorting his otherwise even features.


	12. Chapter 12

**NOTES:** _Sorry for the very long wait!_

* * *

 _Present - November 20_ _th_

The air was damp with the last traces of the rain floating in the already charged atmosphere. The eerie silence enveloping the forest was making anxiety course through the veins of the weakest members of their party, paranoid at the idea that they could be watched.

Sakura knew for sure that they were currently being watched, her above-average skills picking up on the hidden chakras of fellow ANBUs hidden in the shadows, far enough so that average fighters with the use of chakra could not feel them.

She had successfully integrated a party of rogue nins and sword-sellers samourais working for the syndicate about two weeks ago. Her Captain had left her wounded in the woods after a makeshift fight in order to make it look like she actually did fight against Konoha.

 _Oh, how she would have liked for it to be an actual fight where she could use her deadly punches for real against him_ …

But it was part of her mission's description to be left wounded with a minor injury, however still looking serious enough to justify her not being sent on the frontlines on the enemy's side. After all, having to fight Konoha comrades under the watchful eyes of the rogues without being unmasked would have been quite the challenge, and one where she would not have been in the best position to gather intelligence.

 _Flashback - November 5_ _th_

After her altercation with Shinji, where he had left her shaking and gasping for air after the long choking she had had to endure, they had travelled in a heavy silence for a few hours, before he calmly asked her how they should go about the makeshift fight. She had first died her all-too-recognizable pink hair in an inky black shade with a powerful chemical concoction Tsunade had given her years ago. Shinji had raised an eyebrow at the noticeable difference in her looks but he had not commented, something she was relieved of. She did not need words from him to fuel her hatred of him which was already consuming her whole and slowly destroying her fragile composure. He had then let her walk away, shadowing her from afar, waiting to sense the presence of enemies so that they could act their show and pretend to fight. Without a word of goodbye or any encouragement, he had watched her walk away from him, a lone figure with shiny, still damp black hair, marching on a nonexistent path between the tall trees.

After a long hour, they both finally left the presence of eyes on their backs as she was crossing a small clearing. The intentional buzzing of Shinji's chakra was all the warning she got before he appeared out of nowhere and launched his attack against her.

They had enough sparring experience thanks to their months of working together to make the makeshift fight last for about half an hour without actually hurting each other on a serious level. They were also both downplaying their actual skill level. Sakura still managed to land a few hits on her Captain, happy adrenaline coursing through her veins whenever she saw him wince. The hidden presences in the woods did not come out to take part in the fight, making the whole ordeal much easier. At one point, her Captain successfully slashed a profound gap in her upper thigh, the shiny blade of his kunai burying itself deep into her flesh. She screamed in pain and in surprise, not having expected the strike just yet. The flash of concern that briefly crossed his brown eyes at her strong reaction made her want to punch him all over, knowing that his concern was the last thing she wanted. But once that her body managed to process the first wave of pain and shock, she thought it actually was for the best. At least she didn't have to play her surprise and she did not have time to alleviate the pain through her inner healing technique.

That seemed to do the trick, as five men appeared out of the woods to target Shinji, coming to her defense. She refrained from trying to heal herself internally, so as to appear more believable in her role as a wounded young woman. The pain was her anchor and she felt that it might just be the only thing able to keep her sane as she watched Shinji escape his opponents and disappear, effectively leaving her alone.

* * *

 _Flashback - November 6th_

She was brought to a camp, half-passed out from the severe blood lost. There, some female underling managed to do a rather decent job with her injury, although Sakura noticed with satisfaction that their medical knowledge was nowhere as advanced as Konoha's. As cruel as this fact was, it was nonetheless an advantage for the Fire country's forces. Their camp was mostly made of makeshift beds directly laid on the floor and she noticed that they had no proper facilities, not even tents. The camp was unprotected as well, save for a few traps and jutsus which could be more or less rapidly dealt with. Although she could not have a good look at everything from her injured, unmoving position, she concluded that their strength did not lie in defensive positions. After about a day of waiting, where she felt all eyes were on her, the current head of their small party of about twelve fighters came to her and confronted her. Their leader was a middle-height woman in her early forties and had the aura of a seasoned fighter whose authority could not be questioned. Sakura did not fail to notice the way men unconsciously cowered in her presence. _She_ must be strong concluded the young medic.

"Which unit did you belong to?" asked the older woman. She must never really have been pretty thought Sakura. Her traits were too masculine to possess the feminine grace of beauty. The pinkette was trying to assess the expression on her opponent's face, watching for any sign of silent communication with the other members of the group gathered around them.

"We were stationed at the border," answered the Hokage's apprentice vaguely.

The dark-haired woman simply nodded at that, not letting anything transpire of what she could be thinking. "Where exactly?" she asked after a pause.

"North-east," said Sakura with an even tone. "Where the forest is thinner and we had to remain exposed more often than not."

"Ah, yes! There were lots of attacks from ANBU bitches in that area," said the sandy-haired young man, Takeo. His voice was laced with venom, boldly displaying his hatred against the Fire village's forces. He placed a compassionate hand on Sakura's shoulder, his hand giving her a squeeze that was meant to be comforting.

 _Are they trying to fool me?_ thought the pinkette, every sense on alert, carefully watching for any sign that they were setting up a trap, expecting her to fall for a piece of wrong information. One mistake and she would be exposed. Green eyes looked for hidden exchanges of meaningful glances, discreet hand codes and brief changes of facial expressions. She had a split second to assess the situation and make a decision. Everything seemed normal enough, and so she offered them a sad smile, a sparkle of blood lust in her eyes and a thirst for vengeance in her voice: "Yes, _that_ area precisely."

She refrained from adding unnecessary details she would have to make up, afraid of destroying her fragile cover which they seemed to buy for now.

"And how come _you_ remained unscathed when your whole team was taken down?" asked a large bulky man with a bold head where numerous angry-looking scars distorted the otherwise smooth-looking skin.

"Pure luck," challenged Sakura, still bent on loosing herself in details that might betray her.

"Konoha's dogs aren't particularly known for being more lenient on women," said the dark-haired woman while crossing her arms slowly, her eyes never leaving Sakura's face, watching just as intently for any emotion her face might display.

"Well, I don't feel like they were," spat the pinkette, casting a meaningful look on her bandage thigh. One of the men behind her grunted in agreement but their female leader seemed unimpressed, and merely raised an eyebrow.

"One ANBU was chasing her as we found her," said Takeo, coming to her rescue. "And by the looks of it, he was not a rookie. The guy was _lethal_ , I'm telling you!" he insisted, hand gestures accompanying his every word for emphasis.

"Well, we mostly have to deal with seasoned ANBUs anyway. They rarely send out regular ninjas for actual combat," said the bulky man, looking sternly at Takeo. "That piece of information is irrelevant, kid."

Takeo opened his mouth ready to spit back, an indignant expression on his face, but Sakura spoke up before he could: "I suspect I was chased by their Captain," she said slowly, careful to pause between her words so as to show hesitation. She also frowned slightly in concentration as if she was trying to recall blurred memories of the chase and the fight. "Or at least someone high up in their hierarchy. His range of techniques was broader than most and the fact that he managed to escape five of you guys speaks for itself…"

"Hm," grunted the older woman, her arms still crossed in front of her torso, her face still void of any trait that could tell Sakura whether or not she was believing her.

* * *

 _Back to present - November 20_ _th_

 _That_ had been a little over two weeks ago, and the party she had joined had luckily bought her story of being a wandering fighter for the Syndicate whose group had been annihilated by Konoha ninjas. Another thing that might have played in her favor: she did not have to fake the hate shining in her eyes during her fight against Shinji. Being a woman also helped, as one or two young guys seemed to have been more than happy to carry her and provide for her during her first days of healing. She could walk now. She still had a noticeable limp though, so as not to betray her medic abilities.

The rogues were constantly on the move she noticed unhappily, rarely staying more than twenty-four hours in one place. They were wandering the woods in small parties, following a well-organized plan so as to still be within reach of another group in case of a surprise attack. Overall, most fighters she had encountered so far did not have an exceptionally high-level of skill but they were numerous, well-trained, well-paid and most importantly, carried more than a grudge against both Earth's and Konoha's authorities. Their allegiance to the Syndicate was total and Sakura noticed with dismay that they did not mind dying for the corrupt organization. Jobless swordsmen, thieves and psychotic running nins found a place of solace under the wing of the Syndicate where each one of them could go about their own business: being part of a large-scale army, committing crimes that would remain unpunished, satisfying their blood-lust.

Takeo, a man in his late twenties with sandy blond hair, who seemed to have taken a liking to her, brought her something to nibble on for lunch as they stopped at mid-day. They were walking on a dusty road longing a large lake which she knew to be far from the frontier where most ANBU and top ninjas forces were posted. While they had conducted raids inside Earth's territory, they had kept them to a minimum so as not to alert Earth's authorities and population. Of course, Earth's authorities did know to an extent that Konoha was meddling in their business, but they had been closing their eyes so far since they knew Konoha's interference was in their own best interests so far. Other nations hadn't reacted as well to the semi-violation of the Earth's border, and it seemed as that all that was left was for Konoha's forces to finally bring the Syndicate activities to a stop.

And in order to do that rapidly, with as little casualties as possible after this conflict which had gone on for too long, accurate intelligence was the key, and she could not allow herself to fail.


	13. Chapter 13

Hanare swore silently under her breath at the cruel bite of the cold, the relentless humidity of the woods easily getting under her white cloak causing goose-bumps to arise on her skin. The brown-haired kunoichi was perched up a tree, scanning the silent night with tired eyes as her guard duty requested of her.

Her team had been split up since one of their member had been injured and was still in recovery. The injury in itself had been healed for the most part but their partner would have to train for a while before he could regain the full flexibility of muscles and speed that was required in this battle. Therefore Sasuke had decided to send him back to Konoha for now, effectively leaving them a not fully operational team. Sasuke had then spent more and more time with the decision-makers down in that muddy cave and she had been left to her own wanderings.

The tall brunette decided in the absence of a team and a Captain to volunteer for watch duty around the camp, sleeping only a few hours in the early morning before helping out in the camp and spending long, lonely nights scanning through the darkness. Sometimes, the tiredness in her body and unrelenting tension in the air made her almost wish for an enemy to appear, so that she could lash out her anger and frustration at someone, the consequences be damned. But the rogues rarely trusted themselves to come this close to their encampment. She was outside of the chakra-barrier zone, left to her own devices and relying only on the sharpness of her own skills. Watch and guard duty had never been one of her favorite and sometimes she asked herself why she was willing to sit through all this. Her set of fighting skills definitely did not consist of being idle and silent. Plus she barely had above average chakra-detecting abilities. But since there was a shortage of able fighters willing to take the post, most being too eager to volunteer for actual combat, she guessed someone had to do it… and _here_ she was.

Although that was not her main reason for staying behind. She could have enrolled in another platoon having a missing member. That is what most did when their team got split. But Sasuke stayed behind and somehow she felt like she had to as well. It was unusual for him to stay away from the field for such an extended period of time, and she could not help but wonder what the cause of this change of behavior was. Was their strategic plan failing? There was so little information regular soldiers like her actually knew. Only a handful had access to the full knowledge of what was playing out there and how accurate their chances of putting an end to this fight could be. Sasuke was one of them, and it seemed that for now, being at the center of the decision-making process was what mattered to him most.

As a Captain, he had never really been one to sit and assess situations. Long talks about strategic focus had always bored him. Hanare had seen first-hand how he preferred to rely on his instincts, how being in the face of danger excited him, triggering the fighter in him to come out. _And what a magnificent fighter he was_. Few could witness Sasuke Uchiha in action and walk away not wondering how such a level of skill was possible. He was really a wonder to watch.

However now his priorities seemed to lie elsewhere, and he was not bound to the field as he used to in the past. Maybe he was using this opportunity to further assess his authority on the Captain's council. After all, thus far he had preferred to stay silent, focus on his own team and missions, leaving the power struggle at the very top to Kakashi. Did that change? And if yes, what caused such a drastic change? He had seemed content being left to his own business, enjoying the respite other clan leaders, ANBU Captains, elite ninjas and other leading factions in Konoha had granted him. Kakashi and Naruto had saved him a place at the top but he had very rarely stepped up there and actually used it. _So what then had urged him to do so now?_

A sudden rustle of leaves caught her attention and her whole body tensed in response, one hand reaching for her pouch and grabbing a kunai instinctively. The seconds ticked by and no other sound came to her ears, only the eerie silence of the night. She slowly relaxed her stance but kept the kunai in her sweaty palm. Minutes stretched into hours and the exhaustion started to cripple her body. It should be illegal to make them stand for hours on alert, every muscle tensed and ready to launch an attack while having to stay completely still. Even predators did not put themselves through such pain to catch their prey. Her replacement came as the dawn was settling in, slowly conquering the dark sky. After a brief report of the uneventful night, she left him and ran full speed through the branches her sore muscles screaming in agony at being pushed so violently. But the rush of adrenaline cleared her head in the most delightful way so she decided to ignore the pain.

Soon she was landing soundly on the muddy ground in front of the chakra barrier. She stayed crouched on the floor until one of the chakra-sensors guards identified her and lifted the barrier so that she could walk through uninjured. When the buzzing stopped, she stood back up and walked slowly toward the camp, her sore legs definitely protesting against the act.

The sight of the ugly brownish green tents and buzzing activity was a relief after a night spent expecting an attack and getting lost in her thoughts. Some medics waived at her politely, hurrying between the tents hosting her supplies and the big central tent where most injured were being taken care of. Hanare headed for the wooden barracks which had been erected a few weeks ago. Yamato-san and had offered them a significantly more comfortable showering routine by building small wooden cubicles by the stream running through their base.

With a sigh of relief, Hanare entered one such cubicle on the far left, and after having closed the door, proceeded to remove her now heavy ANBU gear. Calloused hands then tore at her undershirt and bindings in a rush and tired legs kicked her muddy pants away. The early morning air was freezing against her naked skin, but nothing would stop her from getting that shower. The clever system designed by the wood-user allowed her to step under a warm fall of water, and she let a groan escape her lips at the soothing contact of the water. The brunette woman decided to indulge in a minute of selfishness and allowed herself to just stand under the shower spay, head bent backward so as to allow the water to run down her face.

Voices came to be heard in the nearby cubicles and doors slapped shut loudly, causing the brunette to groan in frustration at the interruption of her relaxing moment. She tried her best to shut the voices out of her mind, not interested in the chatter of fellow fighters. For a while, she succeeded in preventing her mind from registering what was going on around her, effectively closing herself off from the outside world and allowing her mind and body some well-deserved rest. After some time, she reluctantly closed the water tap system and hugged herself in her white cloak, goose-bumps appearing on her skin now that her source of heat had been shut. The other cubicles seemed to have been emptied too and the surrounding silence added once more a chill in the already cold air.

That is until she could make out some voices.

"You should never have done this," snapped a woman's voice.

"This is none of your business!" shouted the other participant in the conversation back, voice laced with anger. Hanare's mind struggled to identify the owner of that voice while she was rubbing the cloak against her skin in an attempt to dry herself. She was sure that she had heard it before.

"What did the girl ever do to you? Uh? Was any of this justified?" asked the angry woman. "You were supposed to _protect_ her, not _mess_ her _up_!" she added.

"The girl did that to herself," replied the male voice. "She was already messed up, trust me. I will hear no more of this!"

"Is that what you tell yourself to be able to live in peace with your conscience?" asked the woman, incredulity obvious in her questioning tone.

"Will you shut it already?" boomed the male voice.

"None of your pathetic excuses justify what you did. The way you acted is despicable," replied the woman, unimpressed by his attempts at shutting her up. "And you know she never asked for that. You just manipulated her," accused the female voice.

"Mei, for fuck's sake will you shut it already!"

Hanare's brain was thinking at full speed. Mei… Mei… She knew that name somehow. But she could not put a face on that name.

"You took advantage of the hold you had over her and used her to get over your own guilt-"

"Do not bring that up," the guy interrupted, voice laced with a dangerous undertone. "You do not know what you are talking about."

"But I do, Shinji. I was there after all. I was there when she died."

"Shut i-"

"I was there," said the woman in a softer voice, one almost carrying pity. "I saw it all with my own eyes. She did not deserve to die, but it happened anyway. And there is nothing that can be done about it. We all know the risks our job entails."

"She would not have died if it hadn't been for that _stupid_ Hokage's orders!" countered the man.

"You do not know that. If it hadn't been that mission then it would have been the next one, or a year later. Chinami was brave and talented. But even her kekkei genkai could not save her from that battle. Sometimes, fate is just stronger than our pitiful attempts at living in this world."

"She was a Hyuuga. She should not have died this easily."

At the mention of that, Hanare collected the dots together and finally unveiled the identity of the persons whose conversation she was eavesdropping on. Chinami had been a young ANBU recruit about a year ago. The leaders had high expectations for her since it was rare for members of the Hyuuga clan to opt for a career in ANBU, especially for a member of the main branch. Hanare had talked to Chinami a few times; she had been a rare beauty, almost looking too delicate to be part of this ruthless business that was ANBU. She now remembered that the young Hyuuga had been assigned on the same team as Mei, Ashai and Shinji. She had died on a mission a couple months ago, one she should not have been assigned to being still a rookie in ANBU. But most likely, their leaders had decided to overlook her lack of experience as they often did in dire times.

"You had feelings for her," said Mei carefully. "But you never acted on it and now Chinami is gone."

"You do not know what you are talking about," repeated Shinji in a low voice, as if exhausted.

"Oh, I do. I saw the way you looked at her. Just as I see the way you look at Sakura now. Only this time it's different. It's just lust for you and you just see her as a way to get all your anger and frustration out. She has no part in all of what happened to Chinami."

"I know she doesn't," replied Shinji.

"Then why are you doing this to her? Yes, the girl made some stupid decisions by letting herself being entangled with you, but that does not excuse you pressuring her after she told you to stop," said Mei with force.

"Did she talk?" asked the ANBU Captain warily.

"Sakura never talks. But again, Shinji, I am not as stupid as everyone seems to think I am. Ashai may not be able to pick up on basic social clues but I am."

Shinji sighed wearily.

"How is she doing anyway? With her undercover mission?"

"She was still alive last time I saw her," whispered Shinji, his voice so low, that Hanare almost had to lean against the thin wooden frame to be able to make out the words. . "Which I guess is proof enough of her abilities given the circumstances."

"Sakura has been gone for six weeks now," said Mei slowly. "Most undercovers are either dead or recalled by that point."

"She's strong," supplied Shinji. "She'll make it."

Both of them got silent at this point and Hanare wondered if she should make her presence known now so as to avoid an awkward situation later if they somehow happened to sense her chakra knowing that the showers were not running at the moment.

"If you think she is strong as you say, they why are you doing everything in your power to crush that strength of hers. She is not guilty of Chinami's death nor did she ask to be her replacement. Are you targeting her because she's the Hokage's apprentice? Is that it?"

Shinji did not bother to answer.

"You just stay away from her. Whatever your reasons or what you are going through… nothing justify the _sick_ way you handle her," spat Mei with venom.

"So what are you gonna do then?" asked Shinji with a humorless laugh. "Are you going to tell them everything that happened? Do you think that scares me?"

"I don't… I just don't think I know who you are anymore… nor do I want to. You became a monster Shinji."

With that, audible steps could be heard and Hanare felt rather than heard the other presence leave shortly after. _What was that all about?_ She had never knew Sakura had any kind of trouble in ANBU. Sure she seemed kind of distant and cold, but then again, most turned that way when they entered ANBU. _Did Sasuke know?_ She doubted he did, otherwise Shinji Nakahara would not be walking around unscathed. _But what had Mei been hinting at exactly?_


End file.
